Hi everyone, i'm just checking back regarding my last posting: It was about
being so devastated living w/Extreme Major Anxiety. Waking up in the middle of the nite-sound a sleep, when i first wake up in a full blown one, or thru-out the day. Nothing working but it feels like i'm losing my mind.
Y'all told me 2 be assertive & be honest with my pdoc."Oh," i'm not sure if i had said that i really feel blessed to have her. She is terrific. And i really was more assertive last Thursday. See her again this Friday.
She expained that xanax, ativan, ect., is not the answer in the long term (4 me). Just a quick fix kind of (pleez no that i am not by any means putting down anyone that gets this family of meds). I'm just explaining what she said. Her concern...that with my recovering addiction problem, that sooner or later (w/Benzo's can be addictive), that the directed amounts will not be enough, since this can be a problem a lot. She said, thats why she pushed me towards doing DBT. 2 then have the skills 2 turn 2 instead of pills.
Needless 2 say, i left that appt. so discouraged again. Crying all the way home i did have thoughts of giving up & just rolling the car, feeling very much hopeless. i then had 2 go back just 2-hrs later 2 see my DBT-Therapist. At this point i absolutely did not want 2 go 2 talk all over again, & cry more.
However, i forced myself 2 go, & while driving i was trying 2 decide if i should tell my DBT=Therapist about pdoc appt. & how i was not safely coping. Thinking she would not understand at all. She is a straight forward, tells it like it is, & doesn't baby U. Normally that would scare & intimidate Well, that is exactly what i needed. I was honest about everything i was feeling (mind u crying all the way thru).
My ending (sorry this is novel), as i sat there dissecting how i was feeling & not understanding why i couldn't get my way after 18-mths of psych treatment (first time in my life receiving help & diagnosed after all these years). Out of my mouth came, "i feel as tho neither of U trust me 2 take the meds as directed, & i'm judged as being a bad person!" She immediately responded by telling me she totally trusted me & thats why she believes in me, that the skills i learn in DBT-Outpatient will get me thru the Major Anxiety Attacks.
I felt so validated @ that moment & feel as tho i can keep peeling back the layers in mental health illness. Thank U all 4 being here 4 me, couldn't do it without U. May all R Anxiety disappear w/peace one day.
Your Healingwell Friend,