Posted 10/21/2012 12:31 PM (GMT -7)
I just joined the forums here today. I'm 19 years old and have been suffering from anxiety for the past 5 months. To be honest, it may have been much longer than that, I used to experience a terrible anxiety problem a couple of years back. I have never gone to see a therapist or have been diagnosed with anything, but, as you'll find out, I'm a bit of a self diagnoser. For instance, I firmly believe I suffer from some sort of ADD, which can attribute to a lot of what I've been experiencing, as I find it difficult focusing on things in school and outside of my head, staying on task, and a general feeling of disorder in my thoughts.
But, in general, I've been a happy person, until all of this anxiety began to creep it's way into my life. It all started in my Freshman year of high school. I suddenly began to be paranoid that I was suffering from some fatal disease, and i did this often, a different disease each time. I spent countless times typing my symptoms into google and freaking out and assuming that death was coming for me. On some level I knew what I was doing was ridiculous, but it was hard to not worry about it. I did this all the time, but didn't open up about it to my parents much, mostly my girlfriend of the time, which drove her crazy as she tried to convince me I wasn't dying. It was a bad time, but, through some way, I worked my way out of it and didn't have a hypochondriac thought until senior year. during senior year, I began to have these anxious thoughts about me having a brain aneurysm, because of the frequent head aches I suffered from, which were actually caused by the fact that I had been in need of glasses for the past 4 years.
From there, it became a near constant worry about having a brain aneurysm. And from there it turned into what I now worry about, the fear that I'm going crazy from schizophrenia or will go crazy someday soon from the amount of anxiety I feel. It's almost like a vicious cycle, I feel anxiety over the fear I'm going crazy, then I feel anxiety over the very fact that I'm feeling anxious, like I feel like something is wrong with me because of the anxiety I feel, and that worry itself makes me feel like I'm crazy. Again, on some level I know I am not crazy. I don't hear voices or see anything. But, this doesn't stop me from questioning myself "am I going crazy?" quite often. My thoughts race with anxiety, and it's so hard for me to just change my thinking and think about something different. It's hard for me to focus outside of my own head because of the anxiety that's been overwhelming me. Right now, I am in the middle of my first semester at college, which is a local junior college, so I'm still living at home. I had experienced a lot of anxiety with going to a new school, and breaking up with my long term girl friend, who did go away to school. It got really bad, but I had found a self help program, called Calm Clinic, which began to do wonders for me. I was slowly overcoming my anxiety, and began to change my thought patterns. I honestly began to stop questioning if I was going crazy.
But I fear I've regressed. I finished the sessions, and I've felt the anxiety come back into my life. I've found it difficult to motivate myself to do the sessions again, and I'm worried they won't help me. The past couple of days my anxiety has crept back in, and again, I am worrying I am going crazy. I opened an account here because I really needed to get all of this outta my head, to tell someone about all of this. Sorry about the long first post, like I said, I needed to vent.