I think you have a valid point - you’re getting
stuck in the circle of what if thinking and trying to come up with the answer
to what is causing you to feel this way.
There are many things we experience that create
shifts of perceived reality. I say perceived because our mind can't deal with
all the input it gets from our senses. It tries to identify important stuff
first, like, 'can I make it across the street before the light turns red?' and
'does that guy turning the corner see me?’ While we are focused on these things
we see but don't register other items that are around us at the same time (was
that guy walking a monkey or an ugly dog?).
Drugs have the ability to shift perceived reality
and change our emotional state for better or worse. I think you experienced a
large shift and are still trying to process the experience. Having your
'normal' world turned upside down and thinking about it is a normal process.
It's not just drugs that will do this. Life
experiences can have the same effect. Losing a loved one, moving to a new city
is just a couple of things that will change our focus and leave us feeling
alienated. The good thing is we can bounce back better than ever. Ponder the
experience and take knowledge and strength from it. Leave the bad
Change is a process, James, not an event and we all have the power to change how we react too the events in our life.
Relapse is common, perhaps even inevitable. Experts
urge people not to be derailed by it but to think of it as an integral part of
the change process. You learn something about yourself each time you relapse.
For example, you may find that the strategy you adopted didn’t fit into your
life or suit your priorities. Next time, you can use what you learned, adjust,
and be a little ahead of the game as you continue on the pathway to change.
I have been living with anxiety/depression for 30 years and I have had some huge struggles along the way. I am currently battling colon cancer and my anxiety and depression keep trying to take over - in fact some days I spend in high anxiety and tears but than I remember I do not have time to deal with anxiety and what if thinking, as I need to put 100% into my fight against my cancer. I plan to win this battle.
Gentle Hugs to you,