Feeling out of control again

Hi all,

It's been awhile since I checked in, but the past couple of days have been very very rough for me.  I was doing good for awhile with my anxiety but I'm not really sure what is causing it to spike again.  I guess it could be because I started a new accounting job and it is my first ever accounting job.  I went back to school for accounting last year and will be done come next February with my degree.  I guess the stress of school full time and taking on a lot of completely new responsibilities is just catching up to me?

I was diong well for the first month or so dealing with it but lately I have been slipping.  I started the new position in December and just since the start of February really it has been a rough go. I have felt myself slipping and slipping, getting more and more anxious, until it finally showed itself on Saturday night.

What does Mike do when I'm anxious?  Well the first thing I do....is I'm an idiot and don't really understand the extent of it.  I was stressed this weekend as I had many deadlines to meet for school and work for this week and really drove myself nuts all weekend worrying about how I would get it done.  To blow off some steam I called up a friend to go out for drinks.  He is a good friend fo mine that I've had for a long time but everytime in the past when we would hang out we would normally get pretty drunk.  I have been very good about my drinking in the last year or so, but I'm not sure what happened Saturday....

I drank liquor and I got so drunk.  I completely blacked out, lost my debit card, don't remember a thing, and even found that I had random phone numbers called in my phone.  My friend said Ij ust left the bar out of nowhere.  This really concerns me because I know this is the pattern that I followed when I initially discovered my anxiety problems.  It almost went hand in hand with my drinking problems back then....

I feel like an idiot, I'm totally embarrassed of how drunk I was.  I was completely hungover yesterday, I was unable to get my school work done like I wanted to, and am still not feeling well today.  So many times yesterday I kept thinking what is wrong with me?  Why can't I keep myself in check and act like an adult?  I'm going to be 28 this summer, and here I am getting black out drunk and throwing up the whole next morning?  It's ridiculous.....

When I'm hungover my anxiety is the worst ever.  I get extremely down, embarrassed, and worry about everything.  I can't sleep and that's all I really want to do.  I just hope my mood bounces back in time for work tomorrow as I took a personal day today to try and gather myself.  Just extremely down and embarrassed about this, and wondering how the hell I will ever stop myself from doing crap like this again.

Hello,
Anxiety is a rough road to travel and it is not walked easily alone. That's why I think it's great you have reached out to the Healing Well community. I have a few things I personally can tell you about my anxiety experience and drinking. I have had a lot of problems with my anxiety and especially my drinking. I have had frequent episodes where I would black out after drinking an excessive amount.I have a family history of alcoholism, and sometimes I think that's the anxiety and alcoholism could be related. I think that for some people they can drink, but for me I cannot. If I could just drink normally I would but I cannot so I choose not to anymore. I don't know what your specific case is with drinking, but I do know that whenever I use to deal with stress or anxiety with drinking things would get worse. I would have frequent blackout episodes, some which were dangerous to my cell and 2 others.I use to think that drinking took of the stress or anxiety, but I think that it just increase things and made them worse. I would recommend you seek therapy, if possible, because it is a great way to deal with anxiety. If therapy is not an option, I would recommend exercise. Don't focus on it though, everyone has done embarrassing things and things they have regretted.
Good luck and keep us updated!
-Rxclusion

We are all anxiety buddies! :) Just come on here and vent/discuss your symptoms and/or problems and we all understand! You could always ask if anyone lives nearby as well.

Also, why do I find it so hard to open up and talk about this stuff? I'm not comfortable doing this with family and friends. I have before in the past and didn't really feel better about myself for doing it. Honestly? I felt worse because I felt like they looked at me as less of a man or something because I struggle with this. Annoying and stupid I know, but it's the feelings I actually get when talking about it.

Mike when I was a young man in VN on several occasions before moving out into a hot zone one of my friends would go into a deep panic get into a feat-al possession and shake, I saw him do it several times, just lay on the deck of the hooch and couldn’t function, we did not have anything for anxiety except booze, I would give him some but not enough to be drunk, without fail when we fell out to board the boats he was there shaky as hell but there, SC'c saying about courage reminds me of him.
Mike what I am going to say you already know, alcohol is a depressant for some people a sever one, panic is not making you feel like hell the next day the poison you drank the night before did, you just might be surprised how little it takes to cause depression, you already are well acquainted with the other problems, Mike if booze was discovered today it would be a controlled substance.
When one drinks enough to black out, you are at the toxic level, its not just a hangover your having you are doing serious physical damage to your brain, liver, spleen, the list gos on, everyone here wants you to become well enough to never need us again, go forward, help others, have a family, booze will destroy everything you Love, then it will destroy you. Panic/anxiety/depression is enough for anyone to deal with, your doing better than you realize, I say these things because I see myself in your struggle, you will win you do not need extra baggage. Your Friend "my name is Larry Mandrell, I am an alcoholic"
Larry ***