Welcome to Healing Well and the A & P forum. I hope you find this site as supportive and validating as I do. You have certainly come to the right place to reach out to people who know where you are coming from and what you are going through.
I am Kitt. I am sorry you are having these thoughts and I understand how they would raise your anxiety level. Disordered thinking can be seen in a number of disorders. I would like to suggest that you make an appointment with your physician and talk with him/her explaining exactly what you have said here.
IMHO you may be having some delusional thougts too. Delusions are false beliefs or thoughts with no basis in reality.
All of the above my be attributed to Health Anxiety but you are truly experiencing severe discomfort with this going on in your life so please seek out a professioanl to help you.
Keep posting here as we will support you and you can share as much or as little as you are comfortable with and we will not judge.
I applaud you for taking the big step in posting here. Kudos to you.