This post is not easy for me, but I do not know or understand what has happened to our marriage. Married fifteen years. One child, and my husband works in law enforcement, also a reserved Marine. Done two tour away from home, and another year away on standby. It's been five years since his last tour. He has never been diagnose with PTSD but I am starting to suspect something is terribly wrong. He's six years younger. He's never really been very warm, only at first when we dated. I worked for eleven years of our marriage, then he asked me to stay home and raise our child. After much consideration I resigned. He assured me that we were going to be ok. The problem now after five year of his last deployment is that he seems to hate his life. Hates his job with a passion, hates the military at times, hates his house the I struggle to keep in perfect condition. He refuses to do any home improvements around the house, including the lawn. Dinner on the table every night. Laundry done, nothing left for him to do but come home and bath and eat dinner. For the last couple of years he has been nothing but nasty to me when he wants. Finally, I confronted him several months ago because I can't take it anymore. We talked and decided to go to marriage counselor. It's been about three months. We seen her separate and once together. She told me that am not the problem. Said he has a ton of childhood problems stemming when his mother gave him away to his father's family. A father that was never there for him. Came and went as though he had no responsibility. His aunts raised him. He does not feel he has a issue with this matter. That he had a happy childhood. He finally went to live with his father and stepmother at the age of twelve.
Left home early at eighteen to begin his own life. Has had only one or two real relationships. His sister's tell me that he ended them. Now he is 46, we are both told he does not know how to be a husband by the therapist. Said he has other issues he has to resolve. The bottom line is that I have been there for him all thought-out these years. Now he telling he resents me because he can not leave his job. Because of his responsibility to our expenses. He said he resent me because he can not volunteer to deploy oversea at this time. I told him I want to resolve our issues with our marriage. I am not willing to live a year or two not knowing if I have a marriage or not. He resents me because he says he now want to have a relationship with aunts, uncles, two sister. His father and stepmother make a mess of things and no one wants to be in the same room together anymore. He blames me for that. Claims that I don't want to go. Go where? These people are always fighting. If we have a BBQ, one doesn't come because the other is coming. I personally don't have issues with them. My husband resents me for that. Since going to therapy, he says he now RESENTS me and blames me. Am tried of making things right. Tried of waiting to see is things get better. tried of the lack of intimacy. He's a cold person. Doesn't tell me he loves me at all. I've lost 32 lbs in a few months. Down to a size 6. People say am a good looking women, make up and all every day. He doesn't tell me how good I look, or good job for the weight lost. He comes home and doesn't really speak to me but small talk. Does the same to our 14 yrs old daughter at times. It's all about him, him, him. Yes, I known him to cheat on me in the past. He tells these young women that he's twenty six and anything else that can possibly get him sex. This happened while down in North Carolina on a year deployment. The girl called my home in NY, because he was drunk and accidently gave her our home telephone number. Sorry about the rambling. Am so tried. I can't sleep, could this be PTSD? or is this marriage over? Counselor told me to have a little more patient with him. Give him time. That's all I been doing for years. Giving it time. He keeps telling me now that if I am so unhappy why am I still here. I don't believe he wants to change. Your advice please. Thank you.