So i've written here before about
how I have been very overhelmed living with one of my family members, and it has not been getting any better. I am 21 now and I do plan on moving out, but I am currently umemployed and my health isn't great either, so I need to try to work on these things and figure out a plan. More than anything, I find them really annoying. I think part of the reason is that we are just sick of living together, but they are constantly coming at me with negative things going on in their life, and also negative things about
Something else that really bothers me about this family member is that it's like they think they still have control over my life. They talk about how upset they are with the fact that they've done nothing besides work for years, and have even said a couple times, "all I have done are work and parenting lately" (and I have to remind them that i'm a 21 year old adult, and that I have been an adult since I was 18 so they haven't been "parenting" for three years or more). At times this family member has been very difficult to live with, but even more so over the past few months. They lost someone very close to them, and I feel very bad for them for that reason, so I have offered to find them a support group or counseling to go to, but they keep saying "i'm not ready for that." I respect this decision, but I wish that they wouldn't take all of their hurt out on me all of the time, since all i'm trying to do is move forward with my own life and make it better, when i'm very unhappy right now.
They were very controling when I was a teenager- making me move between two parts of the country, to the point where I didn't even bother to have a social life because I was never settled in one place for long enough (even
a few months ago they were trying to convince me to move, and said "we should just move somewhere completely different.") They also have something negative to say about every post-secondary option I consider. Recently this family member talked to another family member and shared the conversation, saying "he said you would be totally lost without me, and I agree." Actually, if I lived far away from them I would probubly be way better off, and my health wouldn't be as bad as it is right now.
I've been worried over the fact that, if I was living here but had a social life (I haven't for many years) if they would try to control that as well. When I was younger, both of my parents always seemed to find fault in my friends, no matter what it was, so I ended up ignoring a lot of my friends eventually because I thought my parents would disaprove of them, which is something I really regret now. My friends weren't exactly "perfect", (nobody is) but some of them were actually very nice people. I feel like they don't actually want me to be happy or move on, when I need to move on and start living a better life. They have reminded me for years that I have mental health problems (anxiety and depression) but when I was younger they never gave me the chance to live a normal life, or to feel like I was normal. A few months ago this family member even threatened me to be locked up in a "mental institution" (a counseler told me that, because of my age, this is illegal, especially since there is no good reason for this).
I just feel very overhelmed and uncomfortable living with this family member, yet at the same time taking the steps neccessary to move out is going to be a challenge for me. I know that I can't continue to live in an environment like this, and to feel like I have no control over my own life. I will also have difficulty with the fact that I am currently
on social assistance and want to eventually be a full-time student, but social assistance where I live doesn't allow people to be full-time students (the point of the program is to work toward finding full-time work, but education is not something i'm willing to give up. I will probubly try to work close to full time when my health is better, though). If it weren't for my health right now, I would have probubly tried to move out, work close to full-time and go to school, but because my health isn't good, I feel like I can't take on so much responsibility, and it is very frustrating. Anyways, i'm sorry that this post is so long. I'd really appreciate any advice, though.