Sorry it took so long to reply, there was someone over that doesn't know about my issues that i didn't want them to see this forum and read my problems. I wasn't sure if there was a multiquote button, so i will reply by putting yalls names first. :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have posted about this on other forums and haven't received a reply.
I am uncertain why I am uncomfortable being alone. I have been through some emotionally hard events within the past few years, that would be super long to explain. Unless you want to know more, I will simplify it by saying that my mom was going through a rough patch in her life and was basically losing her mind and taking it out on me, unknowingly; as in she doesn't remember.
I used to be really depressed, spending all day sleeping, and then staying up all night long while everyone else would sleep. Then one day, I snapped. Rather being depressed, it turned to anxiety attacks (I had my first one at 12 in a movie theater.) I was 17 when i started having severe anxiety attacks. It started after my mom played the victim in my depression by saying that i never wanted to spend time with her. Then I started yelling and my adrenaline was going and my heart wouldn't calm down and i felt my breathing become constricted. It didn't feel like an anxiety attack to me this time, it felt like i was about to die. i could barely move. Then from then on out, i had several panic attacks through out the day. I couldnt even sleep in peace. I would wake up with panic attacks. I had noone there to help me through them, because my mother had her own problems at the time and couldn't help me with mine.so i called hotlines.
I was also, never forced to stay home alone. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. I just feel like I can't deal with my own thoughts. I feel as though if someone is at my house (even SLEEPING) that if i had an anxiety attack, they could calm me down and I wont feel like the world is crumbling beneath me.
(me and my mom's relationship is 100 percent better now, it's like it never occurred)
I do have a health problem now, It came to my attention in 2012, I was 21 and they told me I was having issues with my Parathyroid. It controls the calcium in my body and I have too much calcium. So now I have to get a scan done on the 29th to see if there is a benign tumor or what. The symptoms I feel from it are heart palpitations which I only ever had those if I was having a bad anxiety attack. Now i get thuds, or skipped beats on a regular basis.
I have panic issues anyway, just more so if I'm alone to deal with them on my own. I can have an attack in public at times, like if its really hot and theres a long line to wait in. It's a pain.
It distracts me to take care of my child for sure, but i have to focus and just divert my attention to keep calm, usually on the phone. If i dont talk on the phone, sometimes I freeze up during regular life and just want to sit there and not move. It's strange. It's like moving around will make me even more anxious at times, but this too has improved. I apologize for the long reply.
I will check out the resource link. :)
Thank you for replying :) I appreciate your time. Honestly, what has helped me to improve the past 2 years was the fact I had to think about what was best for my baby and that it's not always ideal to take him somewhere else (like a friends house to prevent from being alone. ) Also, sometimes I didn't have a choice (as in everyone was busy) and I HAD to stay alone. That helped as well, even though at times it was stressful. I'm actually looking into support groups and possibly getting a councelor or therapist.
Thanks for replying! Glad you can relate. (well of course feeling this way isn't fun at all.)
I always have the tv on and I usually talk on the phone while alone. It's negative thoughts that are triggers, I always have to try to keep positive. I love being around positive people, because negative people cause me to have panic attacks. There was a negative person at my house while ago, which is why i didn't want to reply while they were there. I didn't want them to know about my condition and use it against me or call me a "worry wart" when they clearly don't understand.
feel free to message me or whatever and we can be eachothers support because i know what you are going through, I'm a stay at home wife as well. I'm almost 22.
I always feel more comfortable when someone is here, even if they are sleeping. Just knowing someone is at the house, is enough to keep me from dealing with the anxiety on my own, which is hard.