Great interaction in this conversation.
I find, specialone, that reading your last words here reminded me of myself. I always was the "strong" one, always raised my hand to volunteer, felt people judged me by how productive and tough I was but always tough in mind and spirit not mean.
One day it all boiled over and I literally had a major depressive meltdown - why - because my mind and body were tired. For 24 years at work I kept it my "secret" that I had a dx of depression and anxiety. When I shared with my staff at the time of my melt down they laughed and thought I was joking - you see I had become one of the world's best actresses. Nobody guessed that on the inside I was quivering or that I would cry driving home from work from stress and fatigue.
I was in charge of the Emergency Department and I was proud of how much I could deal with and the lives we saved while my own life was crumbling.
It may be time for you to step away from your comfort level of not asking for help and give it a try- "I need help", just 3 little words.
I wish you peace.