Posted 2/23/2014 10:45 AM (GMT -7)
Oh hun, I don't think you're starting all over again, but I think of it more like,.....you taking another car out for a test drive! You took a similar car out for a test drive a long time ago, but since that time, you are different, you've had changes... After all, we as people are forever evolving.
Let us not forget the "car people," either. Same "car" but sometimes formulary changes are made over the years.
So in the meantime, to get from place, rather than sitting at home, you've simply been taking various cars out for test drives. See?
So here we go, it's another test drive, you and your needs have changed, (in conscious ways, or even on a physiological level), you're much more familiar now with how long these test drives need to be before getting to that just right place.
No starting over, dear, you are moving right along!
I've been on medications that zombie-fied me too, and not only are they not beneficial, they quite frankly scared the patootie out of me!
I'm proud you told your doc of your previous experience, and I'm willing to bet she's proud of you, too,....because I would imagine some people actually are looking to be zombie-fied so they don't feel anything, (good or bad).
When it comes to psych meds, it isn't pure science. There's quite an artistic touch to it, too. Because each individual, personal makeup, physiology, history, and response is different to even the same medication, the psych docs apply their artistry when it comes to applying all the science to our very personalized situations.
I was on Prozac (in fact, I was one of the first people on it when they started human clinical trials in the United States....and by-golly, if that doesn't add a peppering of nervous anticipation on top of the already-vigilant panic and anxiety lurking in its raw form, now about to be exposed in clinical trial studies and text books,.....well heck!).
I have, since that time, been on and off Prozac. What I'm wanting to share with you is that each time I resumed Prozac after having been off of it, sometimes for a few years, I would always get nervous and anxious. For me, each time I tried it,--again,--I still had those symptoms we all know too well: "Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better," and "Sometimes it can cause rapid heart beat and increased anxiety," and "Sometimes it can cause insomnia..."
You know the drill.
But, something important to add (to my novel here): There are many times when we're on a medication, (any medication), and take a substantial break, and then re-try it again, it has the opportunity work better the next time around! So hey, you've got that going for you!
And last but not least, I'll share something with you I learned the hard way. Mind you, this approach worked for me, and I'm not suggesting it's right for you, but it's another thing to think about, okay?
If you are in the habit of insisting on turning to Dr. Google (I don't like "Dr." Google,....Given that particular source, I'm going to try and refer to him as "Mr." Google instead)....and if you insist on reading ALL of the inserts...(That's me -->ME RAISING MY HAND<--) here's a thought:
..........I've asked my Husband to read them, in their entirety. He then relays the crucial aspects to me directly, and because he's read them, he also keeps an eye on me if anything seems hinky..........
I'm not suggesting for a single moment you do not keep yourself informed about what you're taking into your system! Education and knowledge is power and control, and I strongly advocate that.
I'm speaking, currently, from the place of anxiety when starting a new med and insisting on reading the six pages of fine print about the 0.0000000001% of people who reported digestive problems (without being able to confirm they ate spicy chili with jalapeno corn bread beforehand).
The drug companies must by law list every and any possible, potential side-effect reported, however remote, and,...here's the key,....that may not even be related to the drug, but we patients don't know the circumstances.
Having a trusted friend who understands your worry and anxiety, read the pamphlet or insert, being fully aware of all "possible" effects, and letting them converse with Mr. Google if you're climbing the walls not knowing,...
In the beginning, having a friend take that step is helpful.
After I had been on it for 6-8 weeks, then going back to read the insert was not at all troublesome, and when I did peek at Mr. Google, I could do so with a sense of humour because I wasn't in a hyper-scared state, so I could see what they were doing. My cognition was clear.
Just a thought....(or 20 by the time this post ends).
"My time for tears will be at my Victory...not at the start of the War." ~~Vickie