Hello everyone, and thank you for taking the time to read this. This is basically a quick summary on the problems I have had in recent years and some questions on what actions are best to take in my situation.
I am a 22 year old male and I feel like I have had many social issues/ social anxiety since I was a child. I have been depressed since I was around 15 years old, and I have never really had more than a few friends. I am extremely nervous around most people, and I never know what to say in any social situation, it seems like I always would have to think hard for something intelligent to say.. I also have always had a problem keeping a conversation rolling for more than a minute because I would either get extremely nervous and exit the conversation, or things would just become extremely awkward and the other person would leave the conversation. In the past, I didn't have a problem getting good grades in school and college (I graduated with a Supply Chain Management degree), but when it comes to real life social situations, I am a mess. I am reliable, hard working, have a conscious for others, and am generally liked by most people, but it has always seemed like I am missing something, and it has only gotten worse each year. I am the classic "nice guy" but I can't help it. I know it is not the way to go if I want to be happy. I understand that I should treat others with respect, but I should also respect myself and put my foot down if someone is taking advantage of me.
I have also recently come to the realization that I have taken on the wrong career field, as I am not the type that likes telling people what to do. My job requires me to do things that I find fairly uncomfortable, like coaching low performing workers, pushing a team with low morale/ bad work habits to be successful, and generally dealing with and training people constantly. Don't get me wrong there are many great workers at my work, but my job is to deal with the lowest performers. Also, I have never really had a real girlfriend (had a few close calls and I have kissed a girl, but nothing further than that), it has been about
a year since I have had any relations with a girl.
Nothing in life is fun anymore, everything is just so stressful, even things I used to enjoy are, at most, okay. Basically, I am just looking for some social support, since I have never really had it in real life (either that, or I haven't made my problem obvious enough for people to really know) I have suffered from all of this and I have never pursued treatment. I have had the courage to talk to friends and family about
this in the past, but no one seemed to understand or care, it was always brushed off as if there was no problem and I was told that "I will be fine and I will just grow out of it", but this has not been the case. I had a great childhood, and my life was great until I started high school, and then it was all downhill from there. I wasn't even bullied in school, but I was a bit of an outcast (I never really talked to anyone and no one really talked to me). I have so many problems making friends, having good conversations, and talking to the opposite sex that I have lost hope in trying. Career wise, I am more into science type fields like meteorology, astronomy, or psychology, but the problem is that there are no jobs in the fields that I am interested in. I would like to pursue therapy, and take action, but I don't know how to go about
it. I live alone and I completely support myself on my 11 dollar an hour job, I work 50 plus hours a week and barely make ends meet as it is (I am a supply chain management intern). I know therapy costs a lot of money, but at this point, I am thinking about
going into debt just to try and come to terms with myself. I am a big worrier, and am never really at peace with myself. I honestly don't know what to do to make my quality of life better. I know I only live one life, but so far, I feel like I have really blown it. I have thought about
moving back in with my parents to pursue another career path and try to get myself focused, but I am currently stuck on a lease in a city hours away from where my family lives. I am just a huge loner and really need help figuring out what to do to fix this. Should I seek therapy? Should I try to talk to my family (whom I rarely talk to these days)? Trying to fix this without the help of others has proved to be fruitless. If anyone has any input, please share it with me. Thank you for reading this insanely long post!
Post Edited (IBDisannoying) : 7/4/2014 10:41:36 PM (GMT-6)