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When do you know for sure you are having a nervous break down?

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Posted 7/20/2014 8:16 AM (GMT -8)
I'm sure this sounds like a totally crazy question, but is there a sure sign that you are having a nervous break down?

Recently my daughter was staying with me because she was basically homeless, she is truly a trigger in my life for panic attacks, when she is with me I panic because of how badly she treats me, and when she is gone I panic because she is a drug addict and I worry about her.

This week has been horrific for me, I take care of my disabled son and we live on very limited income, I let my daughter borrow almost 300.00, she became aggressive towards me and my son so I had to make her leave, now she says she will not let me have the money back, so basically that put me over the edge because that is my electric money, and just a little extra to buy the things we need for the rest of the month.

I literally felt like I was having a nervous break down, but can't admit myself any where because my son has only me, once my daughter left I feel some what better, but very very anxious today(sometimes I have delayed panic attacks that come on days later) as I said in an early post I took 1.5 mg of xanax and still feel very panicky, could I be having a nervous break down, xanax always helps me when I am panicking, what do I do, I can't leave my son.....I do feel some relief that my daughter is gone, but you always love them and it hurts...I am still waiting for counseling, I know this will really help me, but what do I do in the mean time?
Posted 7/20/2014 8:33 AM (GMT -8)
Hi brendaboo, I'm sorry your going thru a ruff time right now. I also care for my adult very handicapped son and I totally understand the stress. Although he is my only child I know that if I had a daughter that treated me like that I would make sure she stayed away until she got help even if you have to call the police. I know you love her but she will never get better if you keep enabiling her. You need to stay healthy mentally and physically for your son.
Posted 7/20/2014 8:42 AM (GMT -8)
Brenda,

I am so sorry you are having a tough time.  Medically, ‘nervous breakdowns’ don’t exist. If you go to the doctor or a mental health professional about how you’re feeling, they won’t use the word. They are more likely to use terms such as having a ‘mental health crisis’ or ‘reaching crisis point’.

Whatever you’re feeling and whatever the word, it’s OK to ask for help.

Although the word ‘breakdown’ sounds very scary and might suggest that life is falling apart, the feelings won’t last forever It is  actually just a word that people use to express that things have become very difficult and they need some help.

Do you have a therapist?  If so please give this person a call.

I am sorry about your financial bind.................is there anyway you can contact your utility company and ask if you pay part of your bill and will catch up somehow if that is doable?

Again you have my thoughts and prayers.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 7/20/2014 1:21 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Brendaboo,

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much right now. There are many things that I can relate to you on so know that you are not alone. I don't think your questions is crazy, I've never really know what a nervous breakdown technically is, I've heard people use that term before but not really a doctor, but thinking about what Kitt is saying I know what it's like to be in a mental health crisis or get to a point of being in crisis.

I think a sure sign of being in a crisis may be different for each on of us. A sure sign for me is when I'm thinking about giving up or thinking about self harm and when I get to that point, I cannot get out of it on my own. Sometimes if it's after hours or weekends I have called the crisis line for them to talk to me. Sometimes I have to reach out to my therapist or psychiatrist and sometimes I've just had to go into inpatient treatment or partial hospitalization. I have to resort to the hospital when no one can talk to me "down" pr get me to calm myself down. When I'm unable to calm myself down and I want to react rather than try to calm down and think of some type of coping skill, then I know that I'm in crisis.

Like you, I have a child to take care and cannot always go to inpatient treatment and I kinda don't like inpatient treatment so sometimes partial hospitalization is a option but with it being summer time that's not really a option either. So what I have to do is be honest and use my professional support first and foremost, reach out to them and let them know what's going on with me and they've also increased my treatment for now and actually it has helped me to reach out on here, it's hard but I've been doing it.

I know how hard financial issues can be when we're on a limited income and I know how hard it is to say no to someone when they may need help and I know it must be hard to tell your daughter no. Sometimes we feel a little guilty when we have to tell our children no, regardless of their age. I've always been a giver and sometimes have been taken advantage of and even used. I have a problem with saying no but something I've been learning to do and working on practicing is I don't LOAN anyone anything that I cannot afford to actually GIVE to them. If it would be a hardship on me if I don't get it back or if it's money I've budgeted for a specific bill or need, then I'm honest and say I don't have it because I actually don't. It's not easy and I didn't start doing it overnight, I still mess up at times but I'm getting much better at it. I've really stopped with large amounts of money because large amounts of money are definitely my bill money but I need to consider that for all monies. So hopefully that may help you a little.

Also have you ever heard of LIHEAP where you live or a community service agency that helps with your utilities like the salvation army? I know about LIHEAP for winter but I've also heard that sometimes they have it for summer. I'm not sure if you have 211 or united way where you live so they can give you resources for help with your utility bills.

I'm glad that you feel some relief now that your daughter is gone and I'm glad that your waiting on counseling hopefully that means you have counseling scheduled. If you don't know what to do until then maybe you can call them and tell them that you feel like you're in a crisis and need to come in sooner or if it's after hours or on the weekend and you kinda don't know what to do, I've called the crisis line. They can talk to you about things and maybe help calm you down some or help you with some options for getting in somewhere.

I hope this helps a little. Sorry this was so long, just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
Posted 7/20/2014 2:28 PM (GMT -8)
B.B.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I do hope that you can find a way to both manage your anxiety...do all the things that you need to for your son...pay your bills/make ends meet, and set healthy boundaries for yourself where your daughter is concerned.

We support you, and are always here to listen!

S.C.

S.C.
Posted 7/21/2014 5:51 AM (GMT -8)
Thank you everyone, I am still waiting for therapy hopefully it will come soon, I believe that getting to the root of why my anxiety is so complex is a great start for me. My one issue was always that I didn't have transportation but by bus, and it took 3 hours one way, and 3 hours back(imagine that having a panic attack) Recently my insurance company sent me a notice that they provide transportation to and from doctor appointments, I am going to call them today and get this set up so I have no issues making sure I get the care I need.

I have used LIHEAP in the past(usually once a year)and am not qualified till next month, My parents are going to help me out this month which is a true blessing, so at least I don't have that to worry about.

Thank you each one for your concern and helpful words, this site has helped me more than I can express and it is such a comfort to know that you can come and discuss things that you can't discuss with anyone else.
Posted 7/21/2014 9:11 AM (GMT -8)
Praying for you Brenda. I love what Heartfeltone said in that she doesn't loan anyone money or things unless it's simply a gift, expecting nothing in return. My husband and I have taken the same stance after being taken advantage of too. I pray you have the strength and wisdom to say no next time or at least not give so much that puts you out. It tells me you're a loving mother and a nurturer. Those of us like that have to remember to make ourselves and our needs priority before we can give out to anyone else.

Hugs!!

Lisa
Posted 7/21/2014 9:42 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Brendaboo,

I'm glad to hear that you'll be bale to get transportation to and from your appointments, that will be a big help. I think that therapy is a great start and treatment for all of us so I'm glad that you have that coming up soon.

I'm so glad that your parents are going to help you out this month. You're right that is truly a blessing, I'm glad you have their help. That's one less thing for you to worry about. I'm happy for you.

This site has helped me a lot also and I'm glad it's helping you too.


Sending hugs your way in case you need them.
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