Good Morning Soul,
Many of the members here in the forum have a need to be perfect. These people feel that something is wrong with them if they experience feelings of hurt, loss and sadness for the childhood they did not have.
Many people try to busy themselves or create distractions so they don’t have to think about all those unpleasant feelings. All that pain stays trapped inside of us. We never really resolve the underlying issues when we do that.
Unresolved issues and unprocessed thoughts, emotions and life experiences tend to accumulate within us. We become so saturated with all this old clutter that we have very little room to take in anything new.
The conflicted thoughts, feelings and unresolved issues that we fail to digest get pushed down inside of us. These internalized conflicts begin to act like the drivers within a computer. These drivers motivate us to act. They also create filters that determine how we think and feel.
We try to change but we find ourselves running into many of the same problems. Buried emotions keep these patterns locked into place. We can’t change the programs unless we begin to digest the underlying thoughts and emotions.
Traditional talk therapy will help in some respects. It helps me to gain some intellectual understanding of what’s going on. But it can’t change the hardwired patterns that generate so much pain. These patterns have to be reformatted.
I have a great therapist and Psychiatrist - there are times when my Pdoc will challenge my thinking with a single sentence - I will often run home and enter a brief entry into my journal so I can open the journal and see the simplicity of looking at the problem through 2 sets of eyes.
All of us have felt hurt or violated in some way by people at some time in the past. We don’t fully process the hurts at the time they happen. These parts of us never mature because all those painful and conflicted thoughts and feelings are still down there inside of us and that keeps us locked into the same perception. These parts of us continue to live the hurts of our past. We end up carrying the past with us indefinitely.
I have used guided imagery as I pick the one person who I felt let me down and emotionally abandoned me. I remember what happened and how I felt as well as how it has affected my whole life. I have come to realize this person did not plan on harming me as well as she had a lot of hurt and pain in her past. I take a good long look in the mirror and I tell myself that I know now why things turned out the way they did. I used to cry buckets of tears for the childhood I never had, now I replace those feeling with memories of the good times I did have and there were many.
I hope in some small way I have been able to help you.