I do not suffer from anxiety/panic disorder however, was recently in a relationship with someone who does have severe panic attacks. I got really hurt in the end and I guess I'm trying to gather some understanding of what was going on in his mind.
We met through a friend and right away hit it off. I have a tough work schedule and am super busy so rarely make time to just date casually. He seemed to be very interested/infatuated with me and would call/text, want to see me all the time. When I met him he was taking medication for his panic attacks. Within a month said he told his parents he had found someone good for him. I kept my guard up initially for a bit but eventually let myself start to really like him and care about
him and felt that he was really genuine. Early on, we were seeing eachother every day basically and I met his friends who were all great and thought i was great as well. He stopped taking his meds after a couple months cuz the side effects were getting to him he said. After about
3 months of things seemingly being great, he suddenly began to distance himself. I brought it up and I got a very unexpected response...he said that he adored me and really liked me and loved spending time with me, etc but "didn't want anything else to worry about
right now" and couldn't be in a "real relationship" cuz he would just end up hurting me. And that I never did anything wrong and im so great, etc...but he needs to focus on himself and getting better, etc. SAid that when he met me, he got so caught up in his feelings and wasn't thinking about
things rationally. Said he was sorry and was trying to back off so we could try to be friends. And admitted to it being his fault that he pulled me in and then just pushed me away. But he "didnt want anything else to worry about
Anyways, so he basically cut me out of his life and I would make an effort here and there to meet up with him but he seemed to always avoid hanging out with me despite always being very nice on texts and never ignoring me,etc. I would occasionally get upset and sad with him about
it but he would keep saying that he was just "trying to do the right thing." Eventually, I decided to just back off and let him be. He randomly reached out after a couple weeks of not hearing from him. I saw him and he was going on and on about
how horrible he has been feeling, and how he never goes out and does anything anymore (when we met he was the ultimate social butterfly) and only sees his one best friend and was sorry for not making more of an effort with me, etc. His friends had told me similar things about
him....him not doing so well, etc. And the day after I saw him as well and he said similar things. Anyways, I then learned he was now seeing someone else...he didnt tell me, I had a suspicion so just asked him straight out and he admitted to it. It devastated me. It was someone he had been friends with before i met him and i was so hurt by it and also the fact that he was griping about
being all alone and not talking with anyone yet was seeing someone and failed to mention that.
This was a couple months ago and I haven't spoken to him since. He kept saying how much he cared about
me and that he was being honest when he said he couldn't handle worrying about
me. I know he is going through alot and his life is kind of a mess...he's in big danger of losing his job and from what his friends say his attacks are getting worse. But i really just dont understand why he just cut me out but is ok with someone else being in his life. I'm so confused and want to help him and be there for him but can't handle just being pushed away and feeling like he doesn't want me around.
sorry this is so long...but any thoughts would be appreciated!
Post Edited (rubyslippers1982) : 8/22/2014 1:29:15 PM (GMT-6)