Been really anxious this week... Chest was tight and mind was racing... It's a terrible feeling.
My HA is getting out of control.... I obsess about
it! On top of that, I have alot of business stress on me... We lost a long term customer last week and it has made my anxiety spike!
We are scheded to close on an investment property this Friday and have to come up with a substantial down payment so I am having to "rob Peter to pay Paul" to make this happen - another lovely source of anxiety!
I am getting so sick and tired of the "doom and gloom" feeling. I just want to feel "free" - I pray for a "Godly peace and contentment".
Sometimes I feel "used, abused and unappreciated". Anytime someone calls me on the phone, they want to burrow money (which is hardly ever paid back). No one calls to talk or see how I am doing :(
Okay enough feeling sorry for myself!!!! My dad lives a few houses down from me and I have always longed for a relationship with him... He seems like a decent man in general but has never treated me like his son - ever! There's been so many times that I needed him and he wasn't there - I had to figure it out on my own. I want to make him happy and to be proud of me but he barely recognizes me as his son. I have never asked him for a dime and had to make it in this world on my own - my mom was poor growing up and my dad was not in the picture at all until I was 19...
I so long in my heart a father/ son relationship. I see all these wonderful dads of adult men and I can see the "special" love they have for their sons - it breaks my heart that I will never have that... He will never look at me and say "that's my boy". I will never make him beam with pride because how can you be proud when you don't care?
Wow- didnt mean to go down this road! It feels good to write my feelings down and is very therapeutic... Back to putting on my "brave face"!
Post Edited (Cornell) : 11/16/2014 8:56:51 AM (GMT-7)