I haven't been in for a while, I almost think what is the point, but then again some times I think it helps to just let you emotions show.
Lately I have had the worst panic attacks imaginable, it is nothing new me and anxiety, but for some reason they have spiraled out of control.
Friday was my therapy appointment, I wake up at 3:00 am, after only sleeping for 4 hours(this seems to be my max number of hours I can sleep at a time) I had enough time to ingest one cup of coffee and a car pulls up over my neighbors house, this totally messed me up, I always sit outside in the morning to have my coffee, but because people were outside and they apparently were tripping bad I had to go inside, thinking they would see me and think I was just outside to spy
I then get picked up by transportation, and immediately upon leaving I started feeling claustrophobic, I literally felt like asking her to let me out, or jumping out, my chest was hurting, I had just an icky feeling.
When I get to my doctors office for therapy, I am there early, I ask the receptionist if the nurse is there I need to speak to her, she wants to know what is wrong, I tell her my experiences and I feel like I am having a heartattack. She has me fill out a paper and faxes it to the other office and the nurse calls me back after talking to my doctor. He ups my xanax.
My therapy sessions seem to be "stuck" I am making little to no progress, because we can't work through any of the panicking issues, my therapist says I am very "medicine resistant"
It is a very hopeless feeling when you seem to be getting worse than better, it is such a debilitating disorder for me, my agoraphobia has basically became 50 times worse than it was...I feel like a shell of a human.