You are strong enough. You just feel weak right now. You need to look at this from outside. Number 1 a weak person doesn't make it as far as you have in college. It's ok to mourn. You have lost something. It's ok to say "I thought ..." What your going trough right now I have gone through ( more than once) it is almost impossible to see it from a distance because your in the middle of a mele of emotions. Two things come to mind. As corny as it sounds, did you ever watch Dead Poets Society? Did you fully " get" the iconic ending? ( standing on the desk quoting Walt Whitman) I will
break it down like this. The character Mr. Keating ( Williams ) challenged the young men to see the world from a differnt perspective ( think out side the box we say) and the demonstrative of standing in a familar place but looking at the very familiar from a differnt perspective. The ending a tribute promise to never forget the lesson. What you need to do right now is stand on your desk. (metaphor) and look at this from a new angle. Nothing is going to help the pain. I'm sorry there just isn't a cure for this ailment. The pain your feeling right now reminds me of the bible parable about
the vine dresser. I don't know if you have ever spent time in a garden but some things ( grapes and roses etc) well they NEED pruneing to grow bigger and better. In the parable Jesus compared the father to a vine dresser. And explained that sometimes we are pruned back FOR our OWN good! This is a painful process. Being snipped at and cut off entirely. But what wonderful BLOOMS he has planned for you! I don't think anyone wants to loose anything in life but sometimes we are not in control. And my HONEST opinion is that if he loved YOU , YOU have anxiety, hello it's a part of who you are. My husband has anxiety and honestly I love even his anxiety because he loves my RA. I think you can do better. A man who identifies you by a medical condition is an Ass. Sorry. Would it be right to say pleased to meet you my name is cancer , or mutilple sclerosis? Absolutey NOT. And by saying when you get better call me? ( I'd love to slap him for this, and say wow I'm better now ) what kind of person says " sorry for the test results call me when the cancer is gone after chemo and we'll talk " and it is good for you to be over the " party Barbie phase" because that is actually the last thing you need to heal. Adding alcohol will just make things way worse than they are now. Trust me been there and done that too. I really hope you can get to a better place in your heart soon. It's hard when the heart breaks. But all you can do is have faith now. Faith in the strong wonderful unique you that somewhere sometime the real Mr. Right is waiting for.
Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 2/7/2015 7:45:45 AM (GMT-7)