Hey Everyone -
I have had anxiety for most of my life thus far. Although my anxiety is caused by a number of things - one of the major causes is what happened to me when I was about
8 years old.
My parents had me stay with a Nanny at her house while they worked. The Nanny ran a daycare out of her home along side her husband and children. Unfortunately, I was targeted by her husband at the age of 8... he sexually molested me. I may be using the wrong term here. The things I clearly remember him doing to me was: 1. giving me back massages in a very uncomfortable way. 2. flashed his private parts to me 3. watched me as I undressed to use bathroom / shower 4. looked up my skirt on several occasions such as when I was either doing handstands or playing on slide, etc. I don't know if I mentally / subconsciously blocked out anything else but these are the things I remember. There were a number of things he did that made me feel uncomfortable and made me realize that something wasn't right. I never had this strange feeling from any other man. I knew in my heart what he was doing was wrong. I was about
9 years old and he was in his mid-50's when I finally gained the courage to inform my friends parents. I did this because I was too scared to tell my parents. I was embarrassed and scared. Well of course when I informed my friends parents they were forced to tell my parents. Ps - this was back in the late 80's. As odd as this sounds, my parents along with my friends parents decided to host a meeting at my friends house and invited the Nanny and her husband. I locked myself in the upstairs bathroom while they confronted him. He along with the Nanny denied any and all claims. The Nanny after being confronted ran up the stairs and started banging on the bathroom door. It was about
15 minutes of banging before I finally let them in. As I was balling my eyes out the Nanny kept screaming to me that I was a liar and that unless I look her directly in the face and tell her that I'm telling the truth she would not believe me. Well, here this 9 year old scared little girl wiped away her tears and screamed "I swear, I promise I am telling the truth, I am not lying, he did those things to me!" ......She stopped for a few seconds, looked me right in the eye, and said "You're a darn liar" and walked out of that bathroom. I never saw her again. I attribute this along with a few other things that happened in my life to be the main cause of my anxiety throughout my life.
I am 33 years old now and I can assure you that I was telling the truth. Looking back now as an adult, what he did was wrong and I remember it very clearly. My Mom admits to me today that he seemed off at the time even before the incident, that he was a pervert and she remembers finding tons of dirty magazines in his car but never imagined him doing such a thing to a child. She thought maybe he just was into women, not little girls.
I want to get your opinion. This has been bugging me for SO long. So this guy that did this to me passed away about
10 or 15 years after the incident. I was browsing Facebook and came across the Nanny's facebook page. This whole incident has been eating me for so long. I never had the chance to defend myself, to stick up for myself, and never had the opportunity to turn the tables on her. I was 9 years old... I couldn't. She was the adult, I was the child. Now, at age 33 I would LOVE to be able to finally say what I want to say. To say more than "I'm telling the truth". To say, "how DARE you protect a man that you knew was sick, and by the way lady I am 33 years old and I can tell you today that you were WRONG" ....... I so badly want to get the last word with her. I feel like it would make me feel better. Do you think it would be wrong of me to inbox her with this. Should I not even bother? She's gotta be in her 70's now. I am so mad and I feel like I've bottled this up for years. I feel like she was protecting a man that she knew was in the wrong.
This whole thing is what has made me an anxious mess all my life. Not all because of that - I assure you that my anxiety stems from other things but this was a factor. I need your opinions on if it would be a good or bad idea.
By the way - might I just add -- not only did they run a daycare, they had like 9 adopted children..8 of which were girls and a few of them are gay. I am not saying that people turn gay because of bad experiences but it made me wonder if those girls were also abused which made them hate men? Just figured I'd mention... how strange.
Post Edited (BTurc) : 2/25/2015 10:11:57 PM (GMT-7)