Hello everyone !
I always had anxiety since some dramatic events which would have endangered my life (or not because I'm a kind of fearful guy). But, a stupid day, because I was bored, I am on a forum and click stupid link which redirect me to a stupid screamer... WoW a picture with loud sound... 2 thinks who screw my life, well my brain ?
At the moment of this stupid "accident", tingling sensation from head to foot occurred over my body, feeling out of air (stomach muscles, thorax like a node), big hyperventilation. Anyway I felt one of my biggest panic attacks in my life. I'm thinking at the moment : "omg I'm going to die, people who scared by surprise can die...". That my problem, always even for a small thing (a heart who beat a little faster than usual or in daily life like touch something dirty in a bus, or also, think I have AIDS because color of my tongue match to symptoms...) make my sick or thinking I'm going to die - and of course I'm focused on it all day maybe weeks but never months like now.
So, I thinking now I have PTSD and symptoms of it : intrusive thinking of that stupid day, anxiety when something surprise me in front of my screen, probably some hypervigilance, daily anxiety: like fear and strange sensations over my body... Sometime, my mind is lost and I can't concentrate and do my work or for exemple watch movie in peace (maybe I think a screamer popup in a scene...?). And sometime, when I do stuff I like, my body is like anesthetized and I lost focus: at this moment, my mind ruminate and take over me and feel bad over my body. I do also not stop to tell me: "I was stupid that day, I could have done something else" ... "1 minute screwed up my life", "Afraid of never forgot". Brief, ruminations, invasive regrets and thoughts of that day. I have also sensation my brain always thinking in the background but I don't know if thinking of this accident, think of thinking ?
. Or just, it's like I need to think I'm bad because of this screamer, I need to find a excuse of my daily anxiety and mental state.
So, OCD is not new for me, either anxiety, panic attack - Ruminations, overthinking I know that... I remember also a period, 2 or 3 month ago, for 3 weeks, I thinking all day of my breathing (yes, since I wake up and goto bed - is only think in my mind all day). And today, is the same think with this joke, especially when I'm front of my computer (reflex to always reduce the volume, start when I come across a popup...).
I see a specialist 2 month ago (this "fear" occur 6 month ago) because I was kind of depressed, an daily anxiety with fear of suffocate (I thinking this all day specially at lunch: fear choking while eating...). I had lexapro, take for 1 month because I had unpleasant side effects and difficult to sleep... I think this madness of screamer in my head start after I stop lexapro. I don't know, since this fear I do not look normal anymore or maybe it's also the period of my life changed (new job, new town, lost all my few friends I had, boring routine, loneliness...).
Well, maybe I just need to get out (meet new friends because I know, I live alone in my world... especially this months), do some sport, enjoy the life, ... I don't know. I have not made war, seen terrible thing,... My current state is not normals like if the fear lead by screamer it's the justification to all my problem. Maybe if it was not for the screamer, something else would have put me in all my statements. Yes time to live and get the brain some rest... By cons, I feel that the more I want to be happy, the more I'm going wrong. It justifies perhaps a kind of depression or my reason for this message the effects on the brain after a traumatic stress*
Like the song maybe "Let it go" do normal life and stop thinking... well think without the thinking sensation...
So thank you if you read so far maybe someone give me some lights of my situation.
*I google so much when I have a problem and I fall on this: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181836/
Brain areas implicated in the stress response include the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. Traumatic stress can be associated with lasting changes in these brain areas.
Make me freak out this kind of reading... So I think if have have this, I never be happy because my brain block all positive thought... I don't know. you call me crazy at this point
Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 2/27/2015 10:27:16 AM (GMT-7)