I listened to Green Day's '21 Guns' this week and often times this is how I feel about
"When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins"
So I put the dogs outside and got a call from church. The secretary there told me it isn't too late to attend a dinner in honor of my reverend next weekend. I wrote her a check (finally found the checkbook) and ended up speaking with her for a long time. It did me a lot of good! She's very sweet.
I got back and fed the dogs. Cassie didn't much want to eat. Nikki ate and remained being a good girl while I tried to help her sister. Cassie just doesn't like the taste of one of her medications. She is smart and fishes it out of her food and eats around it. lol. I tried to get down to encourage her to eat and of course as soon as I get on the ground, Ma calls and my phone isn't within reach. She was informed her timing ALWAYS sucks. Cassie still didn't want to eat, so I left her be.
I then started on the house. A load of laundry was put in and I handled the dishes. Upon starting another load, Ma came home. Both the dogs need baths, but since Cassie had thrown up on herself, she got her bath immediately. She was shivering, but still seemed to enjoy herself. Then Ma's male friend came around... again. ...I really wish I worked weekends. He's standing there as Ma is bathing Cassie and is just in the way. The washing machine, dryer, and utility sink in which the dogs are bathed are all in one tiny room and John is claustrophobic. Needless to say, that immediately upset me and Ma was yelling for this and that and it reminded me of being at work.
A little before all this, anxiety had been taking its toll on me. I think it was the sheer realization of all that really needs to be done around the house. I still hadn't had a Xanax, nor had I eaten.
At work, I haven't been eating much. I'm still pretending I have a canker sore, yet I binge eat when I get home from starving myself during the day. I usually have a protein shake, an Ensure, and 3-4 Greek yogurts during the day now. Ma gets by on that, why can't I? Maybe it's the 50+ extra pounds you have on her, stupid.
Nikki ended up breaking through the safety gate and eventually made it to my room. I picked her up not giving a crap about
how it might hurt me and she sat in my lap a while. Ma took pics that are now on FB. All those on my list have been tagged because it shows the infamous recliner I flipped a week ago. ha HA!
I got a little bored, so I tried playing some Madden '15. It's so so. Maybe I just haven't gotten the hang of it yet. I would rather play NCAA Football, but thanks to some lawsuit, those games are no more. The lawsuit, filed by I believe it was Ed O'Bannon, a basketball player for UCLA in the nineties. He felt money should not be made off of the likenesses of college athletes. While I agree with him, how cool would it be to play as yourself without having to create-a-character? I get his point, but c'moooon. I got a lot of joy out of those NCAA games.
And here we are. I had a hard cider a little while ago, but still really need a Xanax.
I forgot to mention I have been doing this three-month walking program. I'm about
to make it through my first full week. It was started some weeks ago, but scheduling conflicts had me skipping days.
I've been very into the women's World Cup. My thoughts can't help but be with the young English lass that scored an own goal to propel Japan into the finals against the United States. I really hope she has received no threats and so forth because it is just a game and is not that serious. However, people tend to be ignorant at times and I know England takes 'football' very seriously. A Colombian national player was murdered in 1994 for scoring an own goal. I think of that from time to time and just shake my head. Firstly, again, it's not that major. Secondly, would Colombia have really done all that well anyway? Doubt it.
I'm also a bit over this whole confederate flag thing. NASCAR, whom I most certainly now will never watch, doesn't want the flag at their events. When will someone worry about
offending someone that likes the flag? Their right to broadcast it has been taken away. I grew up watching the Dukes of Hazzard and I associate the flag with the General Lee (the car). I don't associate it with racism although it could be construed as such. I found a picture earlier of myself and my classmates in preschool having prayer before our snack. I bet that can't happen now because someone would be offended. Well, I'm offended that we care so much about
offending others. *grumble*
M/34/VA/singleLapNissen Fundoplication, 8/9/13Gallbladder removal, 10/15/14
Sufferer of GERD, Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness
Frequent poster in Anxiety - Panic Disorders
"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." - Van Wilder, Van Wilder
Post Edited (1039smooth) : 7/3/2015 2:05:09 PM (GMT-6)