Posted 6/12/2015 8:57 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Pee berry. I'm a Christian woman, and I have a lot of faith. I know that my faith in God is the only thing that has gotten me through my childhood, and multiple other traumas I have experienced.
The one thing that I take issue with, (not referring to you at all) is when church members or even family members tell me that my faith just isn't strong enough or I wouldn't have anxiety.
I have wandered away from churches, but never from God. I talk with Him every day - sometimes all day. I finally have a wonderful church home, and greatly enjoy the support and fellowship I receive there.
Prayer was the only coping skill I had as a young person. I basically raised myself with God's guidance. He certainly protected me from myself on many occasions. ;)
We are humans with human instincts, and He gave us free will, so we make choices, and so do others around us. Those choices (both ours and other's) affect us. Circumstances, illnesses (cancer, etc.) and traumas that we have experienced cause anxiety and/or PTSD.
Praying, and saying "Thy will be done", and actually meaning it are two different things. What we really want is our will to be done. I don't want to have ovarian cancer, or any of the other possibilities that I am facing right now, but I have to trust in Him. Is it His will for me to be healed? There are so many people who are "called home" very early in life. I will be honest. I'm not ready to leave my family. :(
I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. I've seen circumstances completely change by God's mighty power. Please pray with me that if my tumor is malignant, I will be able to survive it.
Even though I have a lot of faith, I am scared to death! I am constantly consumed with anxiety. I am terrified that I won't be here to grow old with my husband. I know that in His house are many mansions, and that it will be beautiful, but my life is beautiful, and I want to get to experience all of the things in life that I dreamed of before I go home to Him. Is that selfish? Maybe, but I'm human with human emotions.