Posted 8/10/2015 1:20 PM (GMT -7)
I just got back from my trip to Lubbock, Texas, visiting my partner's family. All in all, it was a great 5 day trip. We brought our two dogs who are registered emotional service animals so they were able to sit on our laps the entire way ( 1 flight to Dallas and then a small plane to Lubbock--let's just say I definitely needed my emotional support on that flight).
There were a few things that happened on that trip that I just need to vocalize and maybe get some opinions on as they were a source of anxiety and sadness on that trip. My partner's paternal grandparents, who I've met before, are wonderful people. I know how much they love their family, and how much loss they've faced in this past year (my partner's cousin died in a plane crash-- he was the golden grandchild). My partner has always said how much they are creatures of habit, i.e. unless you are married or engaged to a family member, you are not invited to their annual Christmas party, if they give you money or a loan, they want a monthly list of what the money was spent on-- odd stuff like that. Anyway, we were all sitting around talking about Christmas plans and this year my partner's family has to do Xmas early as one of the cousins is due to have a baby on Xmas Day. They mentioned doing Xmas around Thanksgiving time, but my partner's mom mentioned that my partner has a funeral to go to that month so November might be hard, but didn't specify whose funeral or what it was for. The funeral is for my grandparents who passed away earlier this year. I should also mention that my girlfriends paternal side has absolutely no filter in what they say or how they say it, and I can't remember who chimed in first but once the funeral was mentioned someone joked and said something along the lines of "Who the **** plans to die in November?" and continued making statements like that while the room erupted in laughter. I sat back stunned. I know they didn't know my partner's mom was referring to my family's funeral, but I was so unbelievably hurt that I had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom. My partner came running after me and expressed her embarassment on behalf of her family (who still doesn't know what they said affected me), but I was pretty much shocked the rest of the trip. I guess I just have a hard time understanding individuals who say stuff without thinking it through, or people whose humor revolves around making jokes about things that are extremely serious and sad. My family would never say anything like that. Ever. And to hear a joke being made, and have it associated with one of the hardest losses I've experienced to date, was rough.
After I came back from the bathroom with dried eyes, the Christmas topic was still churning and my partner asked if I could join the Christmas party this year since circumstances were different after losing Tyler (the cousin who died.) And they all looked back at us and didn't really answer and changed the subject which means that they still won't allow me to come to their Christmas party unless I'm engaged or married to their granddaughter. Which they already have an excruciatingly difficult time accepting that their daughter is with another woman. Once again I caught myself thinking..."my family's Christmas was always and will always be open to whomever is able to come because that's what Christmas is about...love."
I'm sorry if I'm not detailing these accounts coherently, I'm just trying to get it all out while it's still fresh in my head.
Next on my mind is my school. I want to tell my mom that I'm not happy at the current school I'm at, or what I'm studying, and that I want time to figure it out. I think...actually I don't think, I know, that is what's best for me at the time, but I know she will have a difficult time accepting that as she always loves to say "not finishing is not an option."
Would love some feed back and support.