So first of all I decided to discontinue the Lamictal because my skin was red, itchy, and my wife said I looked like I had a sunburn all over my body. I couldn't get in touch with my p-doc to ask him whether I should continue it or not so I decided I'm not going to continue it, I only took it once yesterday, so I doubt its going to be a big deal.
I'm just going to double up on my self-help and mindfullness meditation, keep taking my Lexapro 20 mg and Klonopin 1mg 2xDaily and see this recent down moment as a setback. I don't need more meds. I'm also going to wait until I get the results from the tests my therapist is going to give me to discover if I am truly at risk of being bipolar or whatever before I add another pill in my mouth. Many people have beat anxiety with no meds. I have two that have helped me, but I have to say that a lot of the helping has to come from within and I honestly have let the anxiety cycle grab me again. So no more!
Anyway, I know we all like to keep things private in this forum, but I'm an
open book besides my name so only share what you would like and if you want to share. But I wanted to know a bit more about
the great people I have met here on HW and are currently fighting this good fight with me.
So share what you would like, but here I will share some things about
32 years old, I live in sunny Florida. I have a beautiful wife and an incredible baby boy. They are both the love of my life. I am also lucky because both of my parents are alive and well and live just a few miles down the street and have been a huge help.
Just today my mother in law came to visit from my wife's home country and will be staying with us for 6 months. She is a huge help with the baby and she is also like a second mother to me so I am lucky there as well.
My nickname is TheKickboxingGuy because I spent a little over 10 years competing semi-professionally and professionally in Muay Thai, a kickboxing art that is originally from Thailand. I fought over 30+ times, won a few state and national titles, fought overseas, got my butt kicked but also kicked a lot of butts too! I travelled to Thailand on multiple occasions to train and fight and it is one of my favorite places in the world. I am currently hoping to save up enough money to take my wife and son so they can see why I fell in love with that absolutely breathtaking country.
I am a graphic designer, podcaster, and digital content manager. I run my own business but have a 9-5 job working with a major national broadcasting and multimedia company in the US. A job I hope and I pray I will be able to keep as I fight this second bout of anxiety and depression in my life (the first one was 12-13 years ago).
I also teach kickboxing at my coach's gym 2-3 times a week. But 4 months ago when all of this anxiety started and spiraled out of control I stopped teaching. I miss it and want to get back there soon. I'm working my way at getting back in there.
Anyway that's me, I love the martial arts, I love Thailand, and I am currently fighting anxiety and depression. I accept my condition. But my condition does not define me....and it should not define any of you. I am a loving father, loving husband, former kickboxing badass that is an awesome graphic designer and loves all things photography, design, and digital media. That is who I am. Anxiety...hear me roar.
I would like to hear who all of you are...what makes you, YOU. Because you are not this condition. You are not this anxiety. You are all beautiful, wonderful people with a plethora of talents to give to the world. I don't know you other than this forum but you are my friends, because you understand what I am going through and I understand you.
I wanted to leave you guys with an awesome post I read the other day from a great motivator I follow:
Lewis Howes said...
There are two powerful people inside of you.
The first is your HERO.
Your hero lifts you up.
He cheers you on. He gives you the strength when your fears take over you body and mind.
Your HERO is the truth.
He is spiritual and stays committed to a powerful vision that is bigger than himself.
Your HERO has no limits and dreams like a child where anything in the world is possible.
The other person inside of you is your HATER.
This person feeds off your fears.
He tells you how much you suck, that you can't achieve it, and that you aren't enough.
He sabotages everything good in your life and continues to keep you down.
Your HATER loves to push your buttons and dive into your triggers to make you react from fear instead of love.
Both your HERO and your HATER live inside you and are extremely powerful.
Every day you get to make a choice.
Which one will show up for you today?
I know that sometimes this anxiety drives us up the wall...it makes us cry, doubt, look at the world with fear. It makes us scared of everything. It affects us all differently...but we all are fighting it and I know we will all beat it and if not beat it tame it, domesticate it, and control it like a loving pup. You guys are all strong. Im writing this during my own moment of weakness...but I will not give up. And you won't either. I won't let you!