First of all hugs. ..I wish I had the magic words to just make this all go away. ..
...but like I said in your other post...this is just a natural part of the grieving process...and it won't always be this hard. It will feel less and less heavy given time...so have hope for better days ahead.
Here are therapy worksheets that could help you to process and work through some of the depressive thoughts/feelings. Give them a try and see if they help.
Therapy Work Sheets:www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm
With support and caring,
P.S. I also posted that link for lowering H.R. through meditation...as well as another idea in your other post, so be sure and check that out.