My wife of 17 years has suddenly stopped talking to me and wants to leave me

What is pissing her off so much all of a suddeb
0
the incident which occured 2 years ago - 0.0%
3
cumilative stress/effect of the feeling from the past few years? - 100.0%
0
friends influencing? - 0.0%

 
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vkj
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Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/23/2017 12:20 AM (GMT -6)   
daughter is fine...things are the same ..formal talk ..no fights for now...no physical proximity

vkj
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Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/26/2017 10:07 PM (GMT -6)   
hello

yesterday i was trying to talk to my daughter about what she would like to do after she finishes her 10th standard
she didn't talk properly she was watching TV and then got annoyed and she said im watching tv i have hurt my head ..don't you see that i don't wanna speak
she is quite indifferent and at times rude while other times she is kind of ok
was discussing this with my sister and one thing led to another and it led to an argument with my sister too
then i tried talking to my friend and that too turned out to be a frustrated conversation

again waking up groggy..feels like i don't sleep ...started watching ****
don't feel fresh ...annoyed ..not sure what to do

every time is ask family to go out it feels like they are doing me a favor .. never get a feeling that they want to
what should i do... how long should i be punished??..how long should i take all this

Scaredy Cat
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 10/26/2017 11:22 PM (GMT -6)   
VKJ,

Sometimes when we are anxious, our filters...or how we perceive interactions with others gets 'off'. We become more sensitive than we usually are.

Your daughter sounds like she was having a 'pleasant teenager moment' (lol).....:/

...but the other conversations may have been misconstrued...and you could be reading into negative feelings that weren't even there...?

I know I get overly sensitive when I am challenged with anxiety...it takes so much out of you...and can make you feel vulnerable.

Work your coping skills for decompressing...hopefully this will help.

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/27/2017 3:09 AM (GMT -6)   
u made so much sense yet again...my cognition in this case is weak as i have never been i such a situation and everything is getting amplified yes...but yes she has been indifferent but could be that i am over reacting whatever be my explanations


"Work your coping skills for decompressing"..what does this mean

i need to sleep and wake up well and try to get a grip ...thanks for those guidance

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 10/27/2017 9:40 AM (GMT -6)   
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

The meditation links are good...as well as the Stress Relieving Exercises...and to combat negative thoughts/feelings, the Therapy Worksheets downloads are key. smile

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 11/16/2017 2:20 AM (GMT -6)   
had a session with the counselor yesterday . I had an outburst there right at the counselor when she told that ( i am having a high SPTG count on my liver ) that i am going around telling everyone that my liver is damaged and i am doing it for sympathy. I lost my cool and said to her whom should i tell?.. i do not have anyone around who listens . the counselor came down heavily on me . he said if this is the way i talk ..there is no doubt that then that my daughter and wife choose to not talk to you if this is the way u retaliate for everything. she again told the counselor that she needs more time to heal ( she is trying to she said ) she also said that she will decide to stay away for a while once my daughters 10th grade is over . i din't know what to say . i was very emotional yesterday...i didn't know what to say. whatever i said was being used against me if i remained silent they would ask me what did i have to say. but one good thing was we spoke a lot yesterday in the session whatever was locked inside ...we spoke ...not sure in the house when she came back she asked my daughter to sit in the room with me...she was asking her to talk they were trying to talk

Scaredy Cat
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 11/16/2017 11:58 AM (GMT -6)   
VKJ,

I am really sorry. That is a lot to deal with...the relationship issues...and some possible health concerns on top of everything.

It is probable that all is fine with your liver...test results can be misleading...keep updated with your doctor...

...and keep working on your self help skills to mamage the anxiety of course.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.!

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 11/17/2017 3:24 AM (GMT -6)   
do u agree with what the counselor had to say ?

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 11/17/2017 10:44 AM (GMT -6)   
V.,

I don't know you, your wife or the situation well enough to have an opinion about whether your therapist was right in his assessment.

What I do know is that you both need to be happy with your counselor, and treated fairly.

That is kind of a personal decision that you need to arrive at.

Keep working on everything...resolution is not often easy...but worth the efforts!

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 3/6/2018 10:03 PM (GMT -6)   
its been a while ...how have u been Scaredy Cat ..my wife has finally decided to leave me and stay separately ..she said yesterday that she wont be happy with me and she literally begged me to let go

i am having a really tough time dealing with this
doctor has given me anti depressant

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 3/7/2018 12:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Vkj and welcome back!

Although I am sorry to hear your sad news. I know you were hoping for a resolution and not this outcome.

It is natural to feel profound loss at the end of such a significant relationship. Take time to grieve it, adjust to your new status...and yes, eventually move forward again.

I am glad to hear that you are getting the help that you need with your doctor and new Rx. I hope that you are also still talking with your therapist at this time?

We are here as well to support you through this difficult time.

Again I am sorry to hear your news. Be patient with yourself and the process of healing. It will not always be this hard.

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 3/7/2018 10:57 AM (GMT -6)   
sure ...she says she will stay close by so that my daughter can spend time with both of us...although i hate the idea but at least i get to spend time with my daughter and she said i can visit at times...i mean its better than nothing... my doctor told me to be bold and cope with it ...its the best way to deal with it apparently...although it is i am trying hard ...hope time will make it easy for me?

prew
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2016
Total Posts : 418
   Posted 3/8/2018 3:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Vkh,
One day at a time dear, its time that will heal you
You have tried your best but I'm glad u get to see your daughter..it's not going to be easy...take care
I won't be scared for a disease that doesn't have a proper medication..Fear in my life is some thing in the past..i will never be running to the ER everytime my heart start poundind fast..If God is with me who can be against me.

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 3/9/2018 1:55 AM (GMT -6)   
during the mornings i feel somewhat ..my heart races ..feel very empty a feeling of anxiety in the chest...gets a little better in the later half of the day . Why do i have to go through this :-(

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 3/9/2018 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Vkj,

Anxiety is naturally higher in the morning for most people. (Cortisol levels are highest at this time of day)

Divorce is really, really hard! Despite it being my decision...I had a very difficult time during mine. It is not ever easy or something that you walk away from unchanged. I struggled with anxiety and depression from the loss of my first marriage.

It will not always be this hard. You will get through this, but it will take time and continued self help/care.

Both living in the moment (taking things day by day in small steps) as well as having faith that the future will be brighter is helpful.

With understanding,

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 3/27/2018 12:16 AM (GMT -6)   
thank you...your words are always encouraging but life looks very bleak ..looking at the future makes me depressed and anxious and if i can say scared. Will have to carve out things to do over the time and have enough time to spend with my daughter ....the thought that u said that its going to be very very difficult scares me even more

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 3/27/2018 9:46 AM (GMT -6)   
VKJ,

I'm sorry...it was not my intention to scare you! For me, acknowledging feelings is a comfort...it validates for me that it is normal and okay to be feeling a certain way. I was raised to suppress/deny my feelings...so this is one of my coping skills...to name it and claim it in a way.

...but it may not be the right step for you, so I apologize.

You ARE absolutely going to get through this! You have the strength to move forward into happier times...it will happen, so hold on and stay positive.

We are here to keep you encouraged, so post as needed!

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 3/29/2018 11:21 AM (GMT -6)   
i think ur right to acknowledge it that its going to be difficult . that way ill be prepared .
thanks for the encouraging words ..i do look forward to coming out of this strong and happier hopefully?

i was brought up with the feelings that family comes first maybe i am deeply affected each time i think that its all getting destroyed . i need to find a way to tell my self that all is well

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 4/1/2018 9:57 PM (GMT -6)   
u there?

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 4/1/2018 10:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, yes.

How are you doing?
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

vkj
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 4/18/2018 11:06 PM (GMT -6)   
holding up well i feel but there are some moments which are difficult to get by i get better towards the evening

some mornings are really bad
especially when i am all alone

how to learn to live by oneself is the trick as my doctor tells me

any thoughts?

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27867
   Posted 4/19/2018 11:44 AM (GMT -6)   
VKJ,

I would get involved with a volunteer group, or a hobby/social club...something to give you a break from the challenging aspects of your situation you are experiencing.

Change can bring about good things...even if we view it as negative at the time. Getting involved with new groups/people could be the beginning of some great new connections/friendships that you may have never made otherwise.

Stay encouraged and know things are going to get better...different, sure...but less difficult in time. smile

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT
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