My mother passed away last saturday

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deborahscinder
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2014
Total Posts : 1533
   Posted 9/25/2017 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
My family as some of you know has disowned me because my mother spread false accusations about me and twisted my words to make others feel bad for her. She didn't try to bring me and my siblings together, she continued to accuse me of being a horrible daughter, all because I spoke my truth. Yes I would get mad at times at her and cuss, but it was pain, horrible gut wretching pain for years because she didn't validate my pain.
My mother was in the hospital for a month, she had a bad staph infection that they think started from a scratch from a cat. She had good days and bad I guess. My sister was updating me by texts for about two weeks until one day she didn't like my truth and decided to stop updating me, even told the hospital not to tell me anything.

I told her that was so wrong as she is my mother also and no matter what I love her unconditional. But she just ignored me. I texted my dad over and over begging him to update me on mom. He ignored all my texts.
I texted family members .....all ignored me.

Last Saturday at 11am, I get a text from a nasty mean spiteful brother that's simply reads, " mom's body is shutting down and on a ventilator". I texted back. " are you telling me she is dying?????".....nothing, he ignores me.

I call the hospital again over and over they tell me there is no body by that name admitted at their hospital. Finally a receptionist tells me that's their policy to tell callers who are red flagged, and when family members tell the hospital to not give any info.

So I'm frantic ....texting over and over begging....at 5pm I get a text from that brother that my mother died.

I haven't touched alcohol in years but I did that night, the only person to consol me was my husband.

I had another brother finally tell me she will be cremated, no service for me they will have a private one at her home. I called the funeral home as asked if I could see her before they cremate her, they said yes. I will go today at 4pm to see my mothers body, I haven't seen her in 6 years even though I begged her and my dad to come see us many times when she was alive.

I have no idea how I'm going to get thru this. shakehead I even found out that they all knew she had a 50/50 chance of surviving her illness, yet I learn after her death.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27279
   Posted 9/25/2017 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
D.S.,

I am so sorry. I know that you must be reeling with so many emotions at this time.

No matter what issues you had with your family, you should not have been shut out of getting updates on your mom.sad

I wish you strength to get through your viewing today.

I wish you comfort in your grieving.

I wish you peace with your family conflict.

I wish you healing in your grief.

I hope you can get in to talk with your therapist soon...it will be good to get these feelings out.

(((Hugs )))

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Post Edited (Scaredy Cat) : 9/25/2017 8:57:34 AM (GMT-6)


deborahscinder
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2014
Total Posts : 1533
   Posted 9/25/2017 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I asked the funeral home for some of her ashes, but I don't know what they will tell me, I'm waiting to hear back. I have no idea if I even have any rights

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 292
   Posted 9/25/2017 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   
If true, it sounds like your Mother "poisoned the well" to your siblings and you were assigned the role of "the scapegoat" for being a truth teller. The end of this saga sounds utterly painful for you. Just know that you did what you could do and please seek counseling to process her death.

~ Courage and strength to you.

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2483
   Posted 9/25/2017 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
so sorry for your losssad
You are in my prayers for peace & healing

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20086
   Posted 9/25/2017 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
my deepest of condolences.
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