Just looking for some support..

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megan77
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/10/2017 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
So as some of you know, my partner was diagnosed with stage 4 brain, lung cancer! There is some involvement with her liver and kidney but not enough yet to stage.
This has been an extremely trying time for us..as
I try to keep up with my job, take care of a 14 year old and make sure my partner is cared for as well. There's no time left for Me and the last week or so my anxiety has kind of come back full speed.
Anxiety manifests itself differently in all of us but for me it gets me in my stomach...dry heaving in the morning, a lot of uneasiness in the gut. It drives me crazy as I don't have time for this right now.
I had done so well and now I'm feeling a bit defeated.
I have an appointment with my p-doc on the 20th and I'm doing some mindful meditation when I have a few extra minutes to spare but I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement.
Thanks guys.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26991
   Posted 11/10/2017 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Megan,

I am glad you have reached out and been carving time out for yourself when you can...that is so important.

You are dealing with such a spectrum of emotions right now...I can't even begin to imagine...or list them. You might not even be fully aware of all that you are feeling...so keep up with your journaling, as this can help bring things to the surface that need to be vented.

The forum has been pretty slow lately. We are in the process of making some updates which will probably help things pick up a bit again...but for now, if you don't get a ton of responses, know that this is just the going pace for now.

However, we are all thinking and praying for you both at this time. Specifically, I pray for comfort for B...and for anxiety management for you.

I hope your appointment brings about some good things and a plan that will help. Let us know how it goes.

(((((Hugs my friend))))))

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

megan77
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/10/2017 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
This is precisely why I mostly read and don't post! Feels like a plea for help falls on deaf ears! I'm just down and feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I just soldier on as I always do.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26991
   Posted 11/10/2017 10:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Awww...I'm sorry...but don't internalize it. I notice that most of the time people respond the most on the threads that ask a question...one that is easy to give b/c there's no emotional requirement.

It's harder to offer support for some people..b/c they don't know what to say...or think they'll say the wrong thing.

Keep checking back and give people a chance...as some only come on every couple of days or less!

((((❤))))

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Blu's Mama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2014
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 11/10/2017 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Megan,

Please know that we are here in support.

Praying for as much peace as possible in this very difficult time.

Keep checking in with us, and let us know how everything goes with your appointment.

Sending hugs!!

Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7042
   Posted 11/11/2017 2:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Megan

I'm so sorry to hear this news my thoughts are with you and your partner keep us posted we are here for you.

Hugs

Hibee
I try not to worry about the future -- so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.

ANXIETY & PANIC FORUM MODERATOR

Diagnosed with:- Asperger's Syndrome, Dyslexia, GAD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Health Anxiety, OCD, Depression and Scheuermann's Disease (Adult)

Medications:- 60mg Prozac, Olanzapine 12.5mg, Dihydrocodeine 180mg per day

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2472
   Posted 11/11/2017 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Wishing you peace Megan
I am in a similar situation- too much taking care of everyone and everything else and me on the back burner with anxiety boiling over....

Wish I could offer some advice but nothing is working for me either

prew
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2016
Total Posts : 403
   Posted 11/11/2017 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Meg
Wish i can drive there as i cant fly to assist and keep u company prayers to hubby..you are stronger than you think ..keep on keeping on u are a fantastic mom and wife May God keep you stron g and calm my friend ...lovies and hugs ❤❤❤❤

Momtogigiandquinn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2014
Total Posts : 1138
   Posted 11/11/2017 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Meg,

So sorry to hear of your situation. It is so hard to care for yourself when you are caring so deeply for those around you. It is no wonder we are lead to anxiety in these times. Hoping and praying for you and your family.
Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

megan77
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/11/2017 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for the support! I don't think you ever get used to this..one day you are travelling along in life and the next...bam...you are slapped in the face with such a devastating diagnosis! Trying to come to grips with ones mortality is hard.
No day is "normal" anymore...we just slide through barely! Having trouble with one thing or another daily.
Anyway thanks for responding. I can't wait for my appointment..I have never looked forward to a doc appointment ever but need some relief asap.
Pet- scans and MRI on Monday so There's more anxiety while we wait on results.
I just feel like screaming sometimes.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26991
   Posted 11/11/2017 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Of course you do...we all would.

If you need to...do it. Scream into a pillow, or take a drive and do it in the car where no one can hear.

Write about how angry or cheated of lost you feel...let this stuff out....it is not meant to be kept in. We are here to listen anytime.

Keep us updated.

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Blu's Mama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2014
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 11/11/2017 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Megan,

I agree with SC, in that this stuff isn't meant to be kept inside. Let it out however you can. If you struggle with finding what exactly to write about, I find these prompts help me. They challenge you to see the glass half full, even the midst of such a glass half empty situation...

1. Name 3 things you're grateful for
2. How do I want to feel today? (Name 3, example: calm, productive, rested)
3. What will I do to feel the way I want to feel? (Name 3)
4. Daily affirmation for yourself (Ex: I am safe, and loved.)
5. Other Things On My mind

I am hoping your appointment goes well, and let us know how it goes. We are here for you at any hours!
GAD, Panic Disorder, OCD
Los Angeles, CA

AnxiousTexan
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2014
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 11/12/2017 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Megan,

In late 2006 / early 2007 I was in a caretaker role for my significant other who was dealing with cancer.

I don't think people realize how hard it is for caretakers. There is a wide range of emotions that are present such as fear, sadness, guilt (for not being sick), etc... For those of us with underlying anxiety, it is almost unbearable at times.

I want to reinforce what others have said...take care of yourself and be supportive to your own well-being as you are giving so much to take care of your loved on.

During this time, I did find a support group locally that helped me...there is an instant kinship formed with other caretakers and this may help you not feel so isolated.
Anxiety Sufferer Since the 1980s

Medications:
Lexapro @ 10mg per day
Trazodone as needed for sleep

megan77
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/12/2017 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
@anxious Texan- I could not agree more. Its a very helpless feeling to watch someone you love so much struggle through what ultimately will be the hardest days of their lives.
I'm going to seek out some type of talk therapy. I know its out there..I just work so much it feels impossible.
Probably a sleepless night tonight as tomorrow morning she has pet-scan, brain MRI and then an oncology appointment. I think I weird out more than she does over these appointments. I guess I just want so much for it to be gone where she has accepted the fact its not going awat.
Right now I just want her to make it through the holidays and be as happy as she can be. She has already told me she can't do "this" much longer...😢

Rspwed
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2016
Total Posts : 586
   Posted 11/13/2017 4:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Sending prayers.

Blu's Mama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2014
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 11/13/2017 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Megan,

Let us know how all of the appointments go for your partner. We will keep her and you in our prayers.

megan77
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/13/2017 9:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Emotional day..I'm exhausted! New cancer growth in her lung and progression in her brain.
We are going to do 5 more rounds of SRT to her chest and she is starting a new immunotherapy drug.
Meeting with the rad oncologist Monday for our plan on the brain but there's only one last option left there so if she refuses it like I think she will then this is all just a matter of time.
Im devastated and every type of exhausted there is.
Just want to sleep.

Rspwed
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2016
Total Posts : 586
   Posted 11/14/2017 4:03 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26991
   Posted 11/14/2017 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Aw sweetie,

I have no words that can help...

...just know that we care about you both so much, and wish this wasn't happening.

I pray for as much comfort as is possible for you.

You are walking an impossibly hard path. Know you are doing beyond well. You are facing the most difficult of things like a warrior.

Rest when you can...and post as needed. We are here.

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT
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