Hi! I'm 28, and I've been dealing with anxiety my entire life. For years, I think I managed as "well" as I have for the simple fact I'm a loner and an introvert. I've a tendency to mentally disassociate/daydream from my surroundings if I feel stress, which has helped a lot in maintaining my composure. I avoid stressful situations as much as possible, which obviously limits my quality of life. My jobs have always been solo or where I get as much alone time as possible (the way I love it). I also seem to develop OCD tendencies, like checking all the door locks multiple times. In fact, that particular tick became so bad that I was spending 10 minutes at night checking the 3 exterior doors in the house. In some cases, I was going back just to be sure. I realized it was a way of feeling more secure and in control of my safety. These kinds of things come and go, but I have to be proactive in preventing them from growing.
Lately it seems like when I DO have an anxiety attack, it manifests very quickly and intensely. Then it goes, and I'm left feeling drained and exhausted. I think my biggest triggers are lack of order and lack of control (which go hand-in-hand I feel). If I don't feel secure and in control of my environment, I start becoming stressed out. Often times, my anxiety will manifest first as really explosive anger. If others are present, I'll try to internalize this. When I get that flustered feeling, it makes me feel embarrassed, which in turn makes me furious. After the anger subsides (and it doesn't take too long), I'll be wiped out physically and emotionally. Sometimes I'll cry and even get bowel issues from the stress of it all. These types of episodes aren't new, but they seem to trigger more often and stronger than they used to.
I'm wary of most medications, because I don't want to be a zombie. I've tried CBD, kava kava, Melissa lemon balm, valerian root and various aromatherapy to help keep me grounded. Regularly using the gym has seemed to be incredibly beneficial as well. I was skeptical of these kinds of methods, but they do help a lot for general living albeit not eliminating attacks when they come. Being a sensual type of person, I've tried to make my surroundings as relaxing as I can too. I'm worried, however, that I may need to at least consider pharmaceutical type medication. My current partner is dealing with clinical depression, and I am obviously a little more prone to being affected by that type of energy. Are there any other methods (medical and non-medical) others have learned that might help me deal with my anxiety better? It almost seems like the more I do to suppress the attacks, the harder they hit me when they do come.