Thank you for your nice comment.
You seemed pretty set in our ways, and I didn't really see any way to resolve that.
But I'm wondering, if you are low on funds, if you could go to a sliding scale clinic, which would charge only what you could afford. And, if you're broke, they might not charge you anything.
You could look on your computer, "Yellow Pages for Your Home Town", or "YP".
Or, also in the search engine, type in "Psychiatric Clinics in (your town)". See if a list of psychiatric clinics doesn't come up.
From the list which hopefully comes us, pick the one or two that you like the best, noticing where they are located, maybe one nearer to you, and write down those one or two phone numbers, and their addresses.
Tell them you don't have a lot of funds, and see what they. If you can't afford even a little bit, see what they say.
Try to keep you mind open to how you can win, rather than closing your mind (negative) and seeing how few you can look at, which is the way a lot of people raised in negative households do.
You say, "I live my life in fear of getting in trouble." I've done that, and probably still do to a certain degree. That's also probably being sensitive. There's nothing wrong with that, being sensitive.
But when we add sensitive to negative, it can cause problems for ourselves, which we negative people are trying to do in the first place. Mess ourselves up, since we were told we were bad from the day we were born.
So when we add sensitive to negative, anything that catches our attention we latch onto and say that we are doomed. No we aren't, we're just trying to make it look that way to match up with what we were told as kids. But what we were told was wrong.
You say, "I do take meds, but lately I have stopped taking them and rationing them because I may have to quit my job (it is too hard on my body) and then I won't have insurance. I do have a psychiatrist, but the copay is very high, so I go rarely (another reason I tend to ration my medicine). I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession, but the thing is that it is so grounded in reality and I don't know if it is an obsession or a legitimate fear."
When you were taking meds, did they help you? Were you as anxious as you are now?
You say, "I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession" As a bipolar, I've just learned that that disorder, Obsessive/Compulsive, often has that condition. I didn't realize that, but I see it now, and explains some of my personality.
So I know a little bit about that.
So that explains some of your, "the problem is that all arrests and the charge are shown on FBI fingerprint records when they are sent out to the schools."
OK, so that does make more sense.
From reading from your lst post, you said, "I have been attending university to get my teaching degree. I am older, this is a second degree. I felt very confident that everything was okay but then last week, I had a terrible thought seize me when it was time to do my fingerprints for my background check."
And you had a family property offense against your sister, and your ex-husband took out a fake offense against you and you had your finger prints taken. And now, you're taking a teacher's degree course, where they will take your fingerprints.
OK, yeah, I understand better now. OK, then all of this hits you at once. OK, I'm there now. I think we have all had sitting up in bed in the middle of the night experiences.
Oh, gosh. Can you talk with a lawyer? If you're low on funds, can you talk with a paralegal. Can you look up "free lawyer" on the net search engine?
Can you look on the net, under, "If you've had a false (or dropped) charge against you and they take your finger prints, will this hurt you in getting a job?"
I now see it, taking a course, and then having the finger print situation.
All of that took while for that to sink in for me.
So, if you quit your current job, you won't have insurance. You have a psychiatrist, but the copay is very high, so you go rarely, and you're rationing your medicine.
OK, you've got several layers there.
1. Can you find and go to a clinic to get your meds refilled?
2. Can you look up on the net to see about "background, fingerprint, checks hurting in job applications"?
You say, "I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession, but the thing is that it is so grounded in reality and I don't know if it is an obsession or a legitimate"
I once had a nervous breakdown, and they gave me an anti-psychotic (Stelizine) that changed my mind for the worse so much that I didn't know if this new state was from the nervous breakdown or from the medicine. So I've had that feeling.