Hello, I am new and need advice please EXTREME ANXIETY

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WorriedAlltheTime
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2018
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/23/2018 4:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone, I have been obsessing for days now and I am about to lose my mind. I have had anxiety for over 30 years and I have always tried to take care of it myself, but now I am so terrified. To make a long story short, I have been attending university to get my teaching degree. I am older, this is a second degree. I felt very confident that everything was okay but then last week, I had a terrible thought seize me when it was time to do my fingerprints for my background check. I have an arrest from 1991 for damage to property (I ruined my sister's stereo and my mom called the police!) and one from six years after that for my ex husband calling the police and accusing me of pushing him!. Both cases were dropped and both were family member drama and I know that I am not a bad or violent person but now I am afraid that the school is going to see this on my FBI rap sheet and disqualify me. I have no convictions. No other law issues (drugs, dui, theft, nothing). I have even checked the licensing in my state and app for teachers locally and all they care about are convictions, but I am terrified and i can't stop thinking that because it might show on my fingerprint sheet I will be disqualified. Sorry to go on and on, but this anxiety is causing me to not eat, sleep, I can't even drink water. I am so scared. I guess what I would like to know is anyone a teacher who had a prior arrest from years ago and it was dropped and the schools still hired them? Thank you, I am desperate. Also, I know I worked in a private school before as a teacher assistant , but that was ten years ago and I can't remember what the background check was like. Also, I had forgotten about these incidents and they never showed up on any background check for employers that I know of.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1244
   Posted 2/24/2018 1:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I've put down some false information on many a job application form, because, as a bipolar, I found it very difficult to hold a job.

about half of my jobs lasted about six months, and several of the other jobs I had would have lasted about six months, if I had just quit the job like my bosses wanted me to.

And in between jobs, I could go 3-6 months without a meaningful job, or without any job. So I was always adding some months to how long I lasted in job one (and saying I got job two 2-3 months earlier than I did, to make it look like I went straight from job one to job two, like I hadn't been fired, and was out of work for 3-6 months.

So, I did that with one job, fudged on my application, and I was supposed to call the boss back to see if I had the new job I had just applied for, but in the two or three days in between, I got the shakes.

I just knew the boss had checked that out, and found out I was lying on my application. So, I didn't want to call him back, and hear him say, "Mr. Jones. We just found out that some of your data on your application was not true!"

So, I had the shakes. If my girlfriend had not said, "Go ahead and call him," I may not have, because I was scared. I was like you, I hadn't done anything really wrong, I had just fudged a little bit. I was just trying to survive.

Part of what your problem may be is that you are too nice. Everybody's done something like, if a car is coming, you step onto somebody's lawn because there is no sidewalk, but that is not trespassing.

You are so sensitive, that some people may wonder if they trespassed.

You sound very responsible, you're over-good.

But if you're going to let your goodness get you down, well, that is as good of an excuse as any, but that's just an excuse to fail, when we all should be looking for a reason to win. And you've all the reasons in the world. Don't give up on your goodness because you found one possible made up flaw that doesn't even exist.

I was raised in a negative household, also, but I had to get over looking for ways to lose, as I was taught, and try to look for ways to succeed.

You say, "Sorry to go on and on, but this anxiety is causing me to not eat, sleep, I can't even drink water. I am so scared. I guess what I would like to know is anyone a teacher who had a prior arrest from years ago and it was dropped and the schools still hired them?"

Gosh woman. You're wonderful, but even if someone told you that, you wouldn't believe it .

As a bipolar, I take some medicine, Lithium for the mania, and Mirtazapine anti-depressant for the depression. If I was without those medicine, I would be in bad shape.

Others recommend other approaches, and I do use positive thinking, but without the medicine, I would still be in a rough situation. I use better mental approach to my problems, and medicine, in combination. Others might can go with just the mental approach.

Have you ever been to a psychiatrist? Ever taken any medicines?

Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7270
   Posted 2/24/2018 3:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi

First of all welcome to the forum you will find good support here.

Sorry to hear you are suffering with anxiety about your background check I have had them in the past and they caused me anxiety as well. I think you will be fine as the main thing they are looking for is anything to do with child protection. As far as I know if a case is dropped it is wiped from your record so use your coping skills to help reduce your anxiety we have some good links in our resources so take a look I can recommend the Mindfulness links.

Keep us posted.

Hibee
I try not to worry about the future -- so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.

ANXIETY & PANIC FORUM MODERATOR

Diagnosed with:- Asperger's Syndrome, Dyslexia, GAD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Health Anxiety, OCD, Depression and Scheuermann's Disease (Adult)

Medications:- 60mg Prozac, Olanzapine 12.5mg, Dihydrocodeine 180mg per day

WorriedAlltheTime
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2018
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/24/2018 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, thank you both for your kind and supportive words. Tim Tam, I think it is amazing that you know already that I grew up in a negative household. But, I guess if you experienced you can see it. I don't feel I am so "good", but thank you for saying so. I do try to be and I think I live my life in fear of getting in trouble. I do take meds, but lately I have stopped taking them and rationing them because I may have to quit my job (it is too hard on my body) and then I won't have insurance. I do have a psychiatrist, but the copay is very high, so I go rarely (another reason I tend to ration my medicine). I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession, but the thing is that it is so grounded in reality and I don't know if it is an obsession or a legitimate fear.
Hibee, even though the case is dropped, the problem is that all arrests and the charge are shown on FBI fingerprint records when they are sent out to the schools.
Thank you both. I really needed to talk to someone. I have no one here. This isn't something I can talk about in casual conversation with others.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1244
   Posted 2/26/2018 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your nice comment.

You seemed pretty set in our ways, and I didn't really see any way to resolve that.

But I'm wondering, if you are low on funds, if you could go to a sliding scale clinic, which would charge only what you could afford. And, if you're broke, they might not charge you anything.

You could look on your computer, "Yellow Pages for Your Home Town", or "YP".

Or, also in the search engine, type in "Psychiatric Clinics in (your town)". See if a list of psychiatric clinics doesn't come up.

From the list which hopefully comes us, pick the one or two that you like the best, noticing where they are located, maybe one nearer to you, and write down those one or two phone numbers, and their addresses.

Tell them you don't have a lot of funds, and see what they. If you can't afford even a little bit, see what they say.

Try to keep you mind open to how you can win, rather than closing your mind (negative) and seeing how few you can look at, which is the way a lot of people raised in negative households do.

You say, "I live my life in fear of getting in trouble." I've done that, and probably still do to a certain degree. That's also probably being sensitive. There's nothing wrong with that, being sensitive.

But when we add sensitive to negative, it can cause problems for ourselves, which we negative people are trying to do in the first place. Mess ourselves up, since we were told we were bad from the day we were born.

So when we add sensitive to negative, anything that catches our attention we latch onto and say that we are doomed. No we aren't, we're just trying to make it look that way to match up with what we were told as kids. But what we were told was wrong.

You say, "I do take meds, but lately I have stopped taking them and rationing them because I may have to quit my job (it is too hard on my body) and then I won't have insurance. I do have a psychiatrist, but the copay is very high, so I go rarely (another reason I tend to ration my medicine). I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession, but the thing is that it is so grounded in reality and I don't know if it is an obsession or a legitimate fear."

When you were taking meds, did they help you? Were you as anxious as you are now?

You say, "I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession" As a bipolar, I've just learned that that disorder, Obsessive/Compulsive, often has that condition. I didn't realize that, but I see it now, and explains some of my personality.

So I know a little bit about that.

So that explains some of your, "the problem is that all arrests and the charge are shown on FBI fingerprint records when they are sent out to the schools."

OK, so that does make more sense.

From reading from your lst post, you said, "I have been attending university to get my teaching degree. I am older, this is a second degree. I felt very confident that everything was okay but then last week, I had a terrible thought seize me when it was time to do my fingerprints for my background check."

And you had a family property offense against your sister, and your ex-husband took out a fake offense against you and you had your finger prints taken. And now, you're taking a teacher's degree course, where they will take your fingerprints.

OK, yeah, I understand better now. OK, then all of this hits you at once. OK, I'm there now. I think we have all had sitting up in bed in the middle of the night experiences.

Oh, gosh. Can you talk with a lawyer? If you're low on funds, can you talk with a paralegal. Can you look up "free lawyer" on the net search engine?

Can you look on the net, under, "If you've had a false (or dropped) charge against you and they take your finger prints, will this hurt you in getting a job?"

I now see it, taking a course, and then having the finger print situation.

All of that took while for that to sink in for me.

So, if you quit your current job, you won't have insurance. You have a psychiatrist, but the copay is very high, so you go rarely, and you're rationing your medicine.

OK, you've got several layers there.

1. Can you find and go to a clinic to get your meds refilled?

2. Can you look up on the net to see about "background, fingerprint, checks hurting in job applications"?

You say, "I do have OCD and this fear feels like an Obsession, but the thing is that it is so grounded in reality and I don't know if it is an obsession or a legitimate"

Me, either.

I once had a nervous breakdown, and they gave me an anti-psychotic (Stelizine) that changed my mind for the worse so much that I didn't know if this new state was from the nervous breakdown or from the medicine. So I've had that feeling.

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1244
   Posted 2/26/2018 3:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Worried:

I took my own advice and went to the net search engine to what it said for free to the question of finger prints in cases where charges have been drop, or background checks.

One of the first sites said:

-----------------------

"What will show up on a fingerprint background check? I have been arrested but charges were dismissed or nollied each time."


"I am a student seeking a license to teach in the public schools. I got into trouble as a teen and was charged on a few occasions with disorderly conduct in juvenile court. These charges never resulted in conviction. All were nollied. At 27, I was charged with disorderly conduct following an incident with my ex-husband during our divorce. While the court case was ongoing, I was subject to a protective order. Those... "

*1st reply from a lawyer:

"The first step is to request your criminal history record from the FBI. When cases are nollied, the record of the arrest is destroyed. If the arrest does not appear on the FBI check, you would not have to disclose it, as no record of it exists.

"I have helped clients do this in the past. You can expect a 2 week turn around time..."

*2nd replay from a lawyer:

"I agree with Atty Silva that the arrest records can be expunged if there are no convictions. Also, if there are convictions, there is a process for pardons and erasure of records.

"But, make sure that the question asks for arrests OR convictions. The two are... "

"What is nolle prosequi?"

"The term nolle prosequi is used in reference to a formal entry upon the record made by a plaintiff in a civil lawsuit or a prosecutor in a criminal action in which that individual declares that he or she wishes to discontinue the action as to certain defendants, certain issues, or altogether."

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 2/26/2018 2:44:49 PM (GMT-7)

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