Posted 8/22/2018 1:07 PM (GMT -6)
Ozarker, I’m so sorry for your loss and what you are going through right now. It’s the hardest thing in the world and I speak from experience. My husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack when I was 50 years old. He was only 51 so this was highly unexpected. We actually were in the process of relocating to Florida from northern Ohio. Our home was sold, we had signed for an expensive home in Florida, and my husband was in Florida staying with my Mom and working at his new job. I was 1,200 miles away going through 28 years of accumulation.
I was stunned! The tears started flowing...just like you. My doctor wanted me to take Xanax but I didn’t want to drug myself up because my reaction to losing my husband was totally natural! He ordered the prescription anyway and I did end up throwing them away.
Since he grew up in the town we lived in, I had to plan a memorial service for him and made arrangements down in Florida for him. Right after the memorial service I got a flight to head to Florida to buy another home since I now couldn’t afford what we had picked out together. But a couple of days before my flight, I got a phone call from a hospital in my mother’s area. She had just had a brain stem stroke! I could not believe this! I was now crying over my husband and my Mom. She survived the stroke but never regained her health.
So, I moved to Florida to be near Mom and I didn’t even know how to get around town! Mom was the only person I knew in the area and she was in intensive care. It’s amazing what you can do when you have to!
Once I was moved into my new home I had to start thinking about me. I moved in the home five weeks after my husband passed on. I now had to create a new life for me. Yes, I was still crying but I had so many things that kept me busy and this helped me a lot.
I do suggest that you start doing new things to keep busy. Start creating new memories. I started reading novels. I didn’t like to read but I had to do something to keep busy. Now I love reading! I joined a club in the area and was able to meet people that way, also. I joined a travel group too that did a couple of day trips in a month...like to dinner theaters and such. These were all things that were completely different than what I had done before. Yes, creating a new life for myself....
I also did a lot of praying and that helped me. Meditation works well also.
Eight months after I moved to Florida I found a doctor for myself and had a physical. When taking my history I told her about my husband and, of course, tears started streaming down my face. She immediately wanted to give me an antidepressant but, again, I refused. I told her I had a reason to cry and I will work through this without drugs. When I went to pay the bill, she came running up to me with a month’s supply of Zoloft. I thanked her, went home and threw out the drugs, and found a different doctor.
I told you all of this to let you know that we are very strong women! Just looking at your list of illnesses tells me how strong you are! You’ve handled a lot in your life and everything makes you an even stronger person. I know you don’t feel strong right now but you need to work through the grieving. I forgot to mention that once I got to Florida, I went to a grief therapy support group. It wasn’t expensive, I was with people who were going through much the same thing and it really, really did help me a lot. Just sitting home with memories wasn’t helping.
Please start stepping out and doing things. Call a friend and either meet for lunch or have her come to your house for lunch. Start functioning again. Know that what you are going through is normal and it does start getting better day by day. I know how much you wish you could bring your husband back but realize how blessed you were to have him in your life in the first place! I know you have many wonderful memories and some day, in the not too distant future, you can smile and even laugh at some of them! You definitely can get through grief without turning to medication. I know I was glad I did. The only thing I became dependent on was myself and I’m much stronger for it.
I do hope some of my story has helped you. Please know you are never alone in this journey and remember...you are a strong woman.
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Diabetes, Osteoporosis, Glaucoma, Scoliosis, Ankylosing Spondylitis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7