Posted 5/7/2019 12:35 PM (GMT -6)
I don't think it's borderline. I don't think it's histrionics. I think it's amygdala hypothalamus.
As for borderline, in your description of her, "My wife can be a loving affection person. When my wife is happy, she is HAPPY. She has a cute, mischievous laugh and is a joy to be around. We both are aware of what she terms "shark week" every month, and I am careful not to trigger "events"..."
you never mention that she has two lives. My wife of several decades had been sexually abused, was a borderline, lived on opposite poles: was extremely nice, or extremely mean. There was nothing in the middle.
Because of the sexual abuse, she was sexually active outside the marriage, thus the two lives. She was both loving wife, and cheater to the extreme. The two worlds never met and she didn't conflict over it. Coming in from an affair, she was as calm as she could be, was never nervous about it, and that night would go to sleep before I did. And she was perfectly happy, for both sides of the divided personality were satisfied, her loving, long-term home-life was there, and her affairs were always in place.
Your wife doesn't seem to have any of that, so, therefore, she is not borderline, in my view of the moment. You also get along with her dad. You would probably not get along with her dad, or he feel comfortable around you, if he had abused her in that way.
You said the dad and her sister are alcoholics and she drinks excessively. I think she's an alcoholic, it runs in her family, and does not drink because she has an anger problem. You mention hormone therapy helps her. Wonder why with the anger ailment you said she has. Can you keep repeating hormone therapy?
You mentioned, "I suspected BPD, or perhaps she is just an adult from an abusive childhood." Do you think the latter is her condition?
Another condition you mentioned was talked about by psychcentral.com which said, "Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is characterized by a long-standing pattern of attention seeking behavior and extreme emotionality. Someone with histrionic personality disorder wants to be the center of attention in any group of people, and they feel uncomfortable when they are not. While often lively, interesting, and sometimes dramatic, they have difficulty when people aren’t focused exclusively on them. People with this disorder may be perceived as being shallow, and may engage in sexually seductive or provocative behavior to draw attention to themselves."
I don't think she' that.
mindfuledaily.com said about the amygdala possibility:
"It’s important to note that a threat can be physical or emotional; a snub by a colleague can be felt as just as much of a threat as being cut off in traffic, as both are perceived as jeopardizing survival. The amygdala doesn’t forget, either; once snubbed by the colleague, for example, it partners with the hypothalamus to remember that person/situation and trigger a feeling of high alert if a similar situation arises.
"When the amygdala triggers the stress response, we feel anxious and uncomfortable. Logical, nuanced thought takes a back seat. Therein lies the problem with the amygdala; while it was very effective in getting us out of harm`s way when faced with a saber-toothed tiger or dinosaur in years gone by, its stress trigger and blockage of nuanced thinking can prevent us from navigating out of more nuanced “threats” in modern situations. Our reaction can instead escalate into social anxiety, fears and phobias that feel impossible to navigate.
"Fortunately, there are ways to calm your amygdala and “rewire” such responses through Energy Medicine. The next time you are triggered in a non-life threatening situation, take a pause; if possible, excuse yourself, get some privacy, and hold the front portion of your head and forehead with your hands; this will help to draw energy and blood flow away from the fight-or-flight mechanism and back into the forebrain where logic rules. Your nervous system will calm itself and new solutions/orientations to the stressor can be generated.
"Calming the amygdala and activating the more resourceful forebrain can be done via intention as well. Simply visualize sending calming energy to the part of your brain just above the roof of your mouth where the dual-amygdalae are located. As you calm these almond-sized nodes in your brain, send energizing intentions toward the front of your brain to stimulate blood flow there, heal past traumas and generate more resourceful solutions going forward.
In many ways, human biology is still trying to catch up with the societal and technological advances of the last century. “Evolving the amygdala” consciously is one way to contribute and take back control of your quality of life."
This Healingwell website offers resources for working on such mind control, which you'll see at the top of each forum page, and you might want to check that out.