Dear RA, I was away from the forums for a while now and I am terribly sorry to hear this
The painful feelings linger for quite a while after such trauma, and I am assuming 5 months is a short amount of time. Your distress is quite normal. Very natural feelings. If you dont want to continue with sleep meds you can discuss other optiins with a professional.
Give yourself some time and try not to shoulder everything by yourself. You will eventually notice the pain is getting weaker.
Sending you lots of hugs and healing