Hi Ocean. Sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time. I understand how the issues you are dealing with at home, with your father-in-law, plus pain, plus a prostate cancer diagnosis, could cause you anxiety. Even if you do not have a pre-existing anxiety disorder, these events could cause you what is sometimes referred to as "situational anxiety" -- that is, anxiety brought on by specific events or circumstances.
I also think there is a risk that various unrelated problems can become --- or at least seem -- overwhelming, if they occur around the same time. You might feel like you could deal with any one of the issues you are facing, if only the others did not exist at the same time. The answer may be to keep the various problems separate, to the extent possible, and make a plan to deal with them one at a time.
With respect to the "father in law situation," I wonder whether some counselling with you and your wife together could help. This might be relatively short term counselling, to help you come up with an approach that addresses the situation in way that you are both comfortable with, and that does not cause resentment or later regret. This sort of issue can be divisive and cause discord if it is left to fester. On the other hand, if you are able to find an approach that you are both comfortable with, it could make your marriage stronger. I have experienced vaguely similar marital issues and I found conjoint therapy (me and wife together) quite helpful.
With respect to the prostate cancer issue, I see that you have posted on the HW prostate cancer board. There are a lot of very knowledgeable and helpful people on that board. It is a tremendous resource. My father had prostate cancer, and I have a high enough PSA to watch it carefully, so I am somewhat knowledgeable about
prostate cancer. You are not alone among people with that diagnosis who have anxiety as a result of it -- especially during the time period when you are going through the process of selecting a treatment. Indeed, I think that sort of anxiety is the rule rather than the exception among men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer. You might want to see a therapist or a psychiatrist to help you deal with this issue. That might be someone separate from the "marital therapist" who helps you and your wife deal with the father in law situation. This person could help you process the feelings that arise from a cancer diagnosis, and if you are so inclined could recommend medication. There are a good number of guys with prostate cancer who take SSRIs or other meds. This may seem like "a lot of therapy" - with a marital therapist and a separate individual therapist. But it is what I have done and I do not regret it.
Best wishes, my friend.
Post Edited (medved) : 1/4/2020 10:05:07 AM (GMT-7)