I have a history of GERD and hernias. In late October, I went in for my routine endoscopy to check on my esophagus. It was discovered I have high-grade dysplasia (HGD) in that area. This is the step right before cancer. A freak out ensues. I met with a different gastroenterologist because my original doesn’t handle ablation therapy. He was very nice and explained things to me on the phone. Feeling it was too much to comprehend, I saw him in-office where it was still too much to comprehend. The ablation was scheduled for late November. That went well and then it didn’t. I wound up in the ER and was assisted by many people. One nurse told me, “You’re too young for all this stuff.” I get so tired of hearing that. It helps nothing. I’m 40, by the way.
Since November, I haven't thought a TON about
it, at least not until the past few weeks. I must have 3-4 ablations before I’m done. Yay! My next ablation was scheduled for this Thursday, but guess what? I tested positive for COVID-19 on February 1st. Upon speaking to my new gastroenterologist yesterday, he thinks we should postpone until mid-March. Ensue another freak out. This kind of thing really can’t wait. Even if I still test positive in mid-March, he is still going to push to go through with it. Apparently, sedation can cause some big issues with COVID-19 patients.
Recently, I read an article about
people STILL struggling post-COVID-19. People that got it in the beginning are still struggling. It’s been about
a year now! I had nearly all the symptoms but did not feel I required hospitalization. I’ve had some respiratory stuff going on, but I don’t feel I need a ventilator. A few months ago, I reported some respiratory issues, so I started using Albuterol, the inhaler. I've gained a ton, A TON, of weight the past 15 months or so, and sometimes wonder if I'm just fat and that's all it is.
With all the variants of COVID-19 springing up, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s just a matter of time until nearly everyone gets it. I've heard getting it provides some temporary immunity? I’m just frightened of how I’ll recover from COVID-19 and frightened by the fact my procedure has been postponed. Xanax helps me, but it’s hard to take during the day because it makes me groggy. I don’t know what to do.
Depression is kicking back in, too. I don't feel therapy is of great help, so I haven't had a session in probably three months. When I was off work recovering, I was sleeping a lot. I woke up late in the morning or early in the afternoon many days and just felt the day had been wasted even though there wasn't much to accomplish anyway.
My girlfriend stresses me out a lot. I owe big debt, too. I understand things can be worse, but I feel there's very little to be happy about
. I get some joy in video games and from a funny Facebook group I'm in. I let them know I appreciate them.
I just feel very alone in my very specific situation.
I appreciate the folks that continue to come here to support others even when they may not need any themselves. I suppose when I’m doing so-so, I don’t check in because of fear of triggers and such. I’m sorry. Thanks for reading.
Post Edited (1039smooth) : 2/23/2021 7:34:48 AM (GMT-7)