Hi Pat, welcome to HW and congratulations on having the courage to tell us your story.
There are many reasons why families and friends can’t understand or accept your feelings. Fear, shame, disbelief, ignorance, threat,… the list goes on. As you see, some of these are probably also the reasons for your anxiety. Many parents often feel some sort of guilt for their children’s illnesses, so to deny its existence frees them of their assumed responsibility.
It is hard for family and friends to help or sympathise with something they can’t see and don’t understand, so be lenient with them. Instead of arguing with them, forgive their lack of understanding and love them anyway.
Try to get them to visit this site and read some, particularly this thread, YOUR thread. They may get a better understanding of how you feel.
You have already received some sound advice so don’t feel alone and know you are among friends here.
Hold on to your self-esteem and try not to be envious of those around you. They probably all have their own little secrets, weaknesses and jealousies hidden away, outward appearances are often deceiving. You most likely have qualities of your own that they would die for.
And yes you are quite right; you have been sabotaging your own life, with your inferiority feelings and envy. This is the root of much anxiety. Consciously seek the truth, accept yourself just as you are and get to like yourself. Build on your strengths and laugh at your weaknesses. You are better than you think!
The mind is like a parachute - It works better when it's open.