Wedding / Marriage anxiety

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T Bird
Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/3/2006 6:17 PM (GMT -6)   
My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. He proposed to in June. My mom and I went to a hall and she seemed like she was going to book it as soon as she had the money. Now she is saying she won't book the hall till she knows that my bf and I can afford to live together. I am willing to prove to her that we are , my bf is insulted by this. It is annoying to me also but I'm trying to not fight with her. All I know is once I'm out of the house, she is out of my hair. But how do I tell her to just do her job, pay for the wedding, and leave us to the life stuff? T

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 10/3/2006 6:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey T,
That's a tough thing to do. Your mom probably feels like she's just protecting you. Maybe she could book the hall and between now and the wedding, you two could prove to her that you can make it on your own. I mean, you're going to be doing it anyway, right? So, start now and let the chips fall where they may. That's just my opinion.

Life's a journey, not a destination ~Aerosmith

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 2433
   Posted 10/3/2006 6:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey T Bird! I thought I'd share my opinion on this since I was just married in June of this year, so all the stress of planning a wedding is still pretty fresh in my memory ;)

Now, one rule that you will start to hear a lot is "whoever has the money gets to make the rules". That being said, it sounds like your parents are willing to pay for (at least part of) your wedding, which they certainly are NOT obligated to do. It really is a gift from them to you, just keep that in mind. (Not saying that to be harsh at all, its just the truth!) So in your case, it is absolutely fair for your mom to insist that you prove to her the two of you can handle life on your own. After all, she is basically "investing" in your wedding, and wants to make sure you guys are taking this seriously (which I have no doubt that you are). But, since she is the one that is going to be paying for all of it, you really need to step up and prove to her that you two are capable of living on your own and supporting yourselves. She cares about you, obviously, and just wants to make sure you know you're ready to make this big step!

So honestly, unless you are willing to fork over the money yourselves, you have to play by your mom's rules. And remember, you should be grateful that she is willing to pay for your wedding, many bride's (or groom's) parents don't contribute a dime.

If you want some more wedding advice, I suggest checking out the message boards on - they're very helpful!
"You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for our own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful." - Marie Curie
"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 10/3/2006 8:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Bf and I have discussed the marriage thing more often lately we both decided that if either set of parents becomes over bearing we will find a way to do it ourselfs and nix them from any planning. Also my parents are divorced and I worry how that will go over the 2 of them in the same room. They will get an ultmatum, behave or leave. I dont however think this has all settled in my head yet. I think id jump outta my skin if he asked me ne way. However Good luck and I hope it works out keep us posted.

...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

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