Two very rough days...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 934
   Posted 10/9/2006 11:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Yesterday was awful.  I was feeling okay at first, and then BAM.  I go to Target.  (deathly afraid of Target for some reason mainly cuz I have had a lot of panic attacks in the past there)  Well I wanted to go alone, I was sick of having someone go with me.  I got out of my car and walked towards the doors.  Jelly legs, suddenly the archway to Target looked too big, I forced myself in, I grab a cart and I just wanted to run out of the store right then.
I can make it to the dog food.  I thought.  Starting to hypervenalate, breathing too fast, not enough, fingers and arms are tingling and I feel like I can't push the cart another step.  I make it to the dog food and manage to make it through Target but continually panic til I reach the register and try to make small talk with the cashier.  I made it but it was absolutely miserable.
I've been feeling strange all day today but that always happens after an attack. 
I thought I was getting through this just perfect, I haven't felt panicy in two weeks but these past two days it's like a whirlwind all over again of panic and anxiety and I am just so sick of this disease.
God help me.
I'm so stressed out and am trying to stay positive but it so hard to be.
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 10/10/2006 1:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Think of it this was TG,
You took a major step by going to Target solo and you did VERY well. Don't down that. That's a positive thought for you. Be well!
Life's a journey, not a destination ~ Aerosmith
A good friend is one who thinks you're a good egg even though you're half-cracked.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 10/10/2006 1:41 AM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like to me that you had some good days and perhaps was wanting to prove to yourself that you could tackle Target successfully w/o help. Well, guess what?! YOU DID IT! :)
Sometimes, the ONLY thing to do is to face the fear, even if you have to do it over and over again. I hate it too!!! When I have feelings of anxiety all day for days on end, I just HAVE TO keep I do. I'm always glad to see the day end though. I hate to realize that, but I want to always be honest with myself. Everytime I've ever let me fear stop me from doing something, it's been almost impossible to do it again. That's why I try to grab the bull by the horns and go along for the ride, even though I feel like he** during and after. So Twiggy, you really should be proud of yourself. You didn't let that "bull" throw you off!
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 934
   Posted 10/10/2006 1:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks JKRSgirl and janetlee.. I guess I didn't really look at the situation in that respect. I was just embaressed I guess that I couldn't handle the situation well, yanno? But I guess one must conquer their fears even though it is extremely stressful to do so. But hey, I got through it.
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 28116
   Posted 10/10/2006 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Good job Twiggy! You did not avoid and that is HUGE! You are on your way to recovery IMO. Congrats and remember healing is not always a linear line...there will be ups and downs, but the ups will eventually prevail!

Take Care
Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the absence of is being afraid, and doing it anyway!"

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 10/11/2006 11:30 PM (GMT -6)   
It was a big feat to go into Target yourself. I know I'm the same way with walmart. It makes me wild to have to go in there. I never thought I would say one of my biggest fears is going into walmart, it would sound better to say maybe rock climbing or Believe me I know this was a big step and you should be proud.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/12/2006 6:56 AM (GMT -6)   
YOU did it so proud of you
Keep it up hun you are doing just fantabulous
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 10/12/2006 10:30 AM (GMT -6)   
You should pat yourself on the back, that is a huge step forward! Congradulations!!!!!!!
"Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it, what is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside." -Ramana Maharishi 
"Mind is the source of happiness or unhappiness".-Buddha

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 10/12/2006 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I dont know what it is with Target but I totally understand. Target is the one place I WILL have a panic attack. I have panic all the time and it can happen anywhere I go. But there is no question it WILL happen when I step foot into Target. Which totally sucks cause I love that store. I think we should get some sort of special discounts for shoppin through our panic attacks lol. I hope you are having more good days then bad. Just remember what an improvement it is that you went and you stayed and you walked out alive and stronger for having made it through!

tangerine bear
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 10/12/2006 12:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Twiggy,
I agree with the others, you faced your fear and that took a LOT of courage! Everything I've ever read about recovering from anxiety/panic says to do exactly what you have done. Exposure to the fearful situation, rather than avoidance, is the only solution. You have made a GIANT step towards recovery, and just remember... baby steps, that's what we have to do. Next time, maybe try 2 items in different parts of the store instead of one. Keep trying.. it will get easier each time. Before you know it, you will be going to Target for a shopping spree! HURRAY for you for doing this. yeah yeah yeah I'm soooo proud of you!!
P.S. I really think that part of the thing with "superstores" like WalMart and Target is the lighting, but that's just my theory.
It's a jungle out there.....
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 10/12/2006 1:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Major congrats TG you really should be proud of yourself. Its not about if we get anxious or not its if we complete/attempt the task at hand. You didnt let the panic win. Keep up the good work.

You're stealing my words lol (fantabulous)

...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 10/12/2006 4:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I think it's great that made it through target and got your stuff even when your anxiety was high. That is a huge step and you should be giving yourself big hugs for that. I think it's pretty common to feel spacy after having alot of anxiety or panic. I generally feel really out of it after I go through alot of anxiety or a panic attack.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 934
   Posted 10/12/2006 9:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your support! :) I went to Target last night and ran to the book section and just looked around for a while and I was a lil shaky and then I left the book section, started getting disoriented and dizzy but made myself just look around a bit... like at jewelry and shoes just to get comfortable with the idea that Target can be "fun" and not the scary place I think it is.

So I was only in there for about 20 minutes but I was a lot better than I was the last visit.

hunniebee, that's interestin that we both can't step foot in Target but seriously!! it's a scary place and I don't know why.

Maybe it is starting to get better.
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

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