Posted 10/13/2006 10:34 PM (GMT -6)
I've been trying for two days to get in to see a psychiatrist. I called my insurance yesterday and they gave me three names. I called the one that was closest to my house, naturally. I'd put off calling the insurance until close to doctors office closing time, why, I don't know. I forgot about it until it was too late. So I call the doctor and leave a message, explaining what my situation was, who I'm insured throught and got a call this morning, they don't accept my insurance and the doctor isn't accepting new patients. So I try calling my insurance company again so that I can see if there is another one within the same area. Nope, only 2 are left and they are a 15-20 min drive from me. Ok, no choise so I call them. The girl who takes care of new patients and making appts for them went home way early today. I had to leave a message on her machine. Now it's friday night and I've still got no appt, no answers, no help, nothing. I'm freaking out. I can't breathe, I can barely see. I'm so agitated that I can't sit still. I could run a marathon with all of this energy. And yet at the same time, I'm exhausted and don't want to do anything. I'm bored. I'm really bored. Nothing I want to do, nothing sounds fun. I'd just keep obsessing about it all anyway. I'm in my jammies and typing to my friends. Please friends, help me. Give me some advise. How do I calm down and wait until Monday for some answers? Patience is *not* one of my virtues. And now that I've whipped myself up into this tizzy, I can't come back down. My mind is racing, my head is spinning. I keep thinking of all the things that are wrong in my life, yes, I'm pessamistic also, I'm the glass is half empty girl. What ever can go wrong will go wrong. I've talked to my parents. My Dad is always full of good advise. Tonight he couldn't get me calmed down. He usually can. I talked to my Mom, my sisters. Hubby is bowling. He needs a night to blow off some steam from his long work week. He deserves it. But part of me is mad that he's not here. I know that's wrong. He shouldn't be stuck here with a whirlwind. He really needs to go do things for himself and I honestly don't begrudge him that when I think about it logically. It's my illogical mind I worry about. I took triple the dosage last night of my sleeping pills just to try and get some sleep. I can't sleep no matter what I do. I'm up until 1 or 2 am and then back up at 8 or 9 am. That's not enough sleep. And I really am tired.Maybe that's part of my problem, I'm not sleeping right. I got the lecture from Dad about the triple dosing. I know, with my medical background, thst it's not good for you. I would tell anyone else the same thing and be worried about them if they did. It's not safe, it's not healthy. I'm just getting desperate.
I guess I'm done for now. You guys are my friends here, I honestly don't know what I'd do without your hugs, advise and support. You all listen so well here and I know it's because we all understand.
My baby birdie, Timmie, is squaking at me, need to go see what he's doing. I love him so very much. He's what keeps me sane when Louis is at work and I'm home from school. He's my baby, my child. I have no children, can't have children, and he fills so many voids in my life.
Sorry, I'm doing it again. I'll be done now!
Love you guys!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006