I don't think you are insane. I also don't think that you'd hurt your family. I think you are afraid of something deeper. I don't know what, but there has to be an answer to it. Try and think back through your childhood and really sit and think. Get a pad of paper and write down everything you think of for an hour. Really concentrate. Don't have any interuptions, no noise. Maybe you will find the deeper meaning behind this. That's the only advise I can think of. Hope this helps.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006