Ok- kinda a long story but will try and make it as short as possible. I have 3 sisters and 2 nephews. I can't have my own kids so I think of my nephews as my kids on loan, if you will. So I was feeling very loving and wanted to tell my parents, my husband and my one nehew how I was feeling. I thought it would be fun for Brendan to get a letter in the mail addressed to him. He is 8 and has Aspberger's Syndrome (mild form of autism). He is different than most kids and takes things very literally. So I wrote and told him how much I love him and how proud I am of him and that He can do almost anything he puts his mind to. He is VERY smart, scored a 120? on the IQ exam. Anyway, I talked a little about our religion and how proud everyone was of him there and that if he asked for help he's get it when needed. I put a few other things in there that I know I can't post, so I'm not going to. I also told him that anytime he needed something that he could call me and I'd be his "substitute" mom if my sister was at school or not at home. I told him I'd always be there for him, no matter what.
So, I get this call from my sister. She is screaming at me and telling me I had no right to tell him any of those things. SHE was his mom and all I ever will be is his AUNT. I know this and that's not what I meant in the letter. I don't and wouldn't try and "replace" her. I just wanted him to know he could count on me. He's a very sweet special boy.
I'm supposed to watch him on Saturday and take him to his singing lesson. I told her nope, I'm not doing it. She obviously thinks so little of me as to think what she said. So, I'm not watching him. I also told her that if she wanted to try and talk about it, too bad. She'd better not show up at my house or I'd call 911 and have them take her to jail for trespassing and that I'd get a restraining order against her.
We both attend the same university and do you want to know how she introduces me to her friends? "This is Michelle. She's my mean sister. She used to hit us and get into fights when we were little, I have scars on my hand to show for it. She did all sorts of other things too. I hated her. But know I don't." First of all, that is true. I was mean to my sisters when we were growing up. I'm the oldest and it was hard because my mom wanted me to be the role model. Yuck! Second, I feel really bad about some of the things that I did. Third, I've apologized more than at least 15-20 times for those things. I've asked her not to say that anymore. It hurts my feelings. I've apologized enough. I don't think that it needs to be brought up at all anymore. It's done and over with. Yet she continues to do it. She on the other hand thinks it's very funny. She says it, then gets this evil grin on her face, like "HA HA".
So I talked to my other two sisters and told them both that I hate Marie. I hate her so much that it's eating me up inside. I said some things that scared both of the other two and they called my parents and my husband. When my mom and dad got there, they talked to my husband and decided that I needed some intervention. They took me to the ER. I got a shot of ativan, which I've never had before, but it calmed me down to the point where I could at least speak and be understood. I talked to a crisis counselor for an hour or so. I thought for sure they were going to keep me overnight, the way they were all talking. But they let me go home.
So, know I'm home alone with no one to talk to and these thoughts still running through my head. I hate my sister. I would so have her put in jail if she showed up here.
I FINALLY got that appt with the nurse practitioner. It's today in just a couple of hours. I hope they can get me on some meds to even me out. I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't quit crying and talking all at once until they gave me the shot. I was in such a manic state. It was horrid. I hope I can get some help. I don't want to end up like my aunt, non compliant and out of control.
Please say some prayers for me my friends. You all have been so good to me. You are great. You are here when I need help and advise. I really love each one of you.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006