I'm baaaack...sorry 2b gone so long

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Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 28108
   Posted 10/30/2006 12:20 PM (GMT -6)   
A big hello to all!  I have missed being here sooooo much...but I needed to work out some things with my husband, as some of you know.  All right sorry to keep y'all in the dark, but this was an extemely hard and personal issue for me.  I found out through the browser (cookie files) that my husband has been looking @ inappropriate sites on the internet.  This was devastating to me.  I know that not all wives would take issue w/ this, but I really do.  The reason is two-fold:  I am 100 percent loyal and respectful in my relationships and expect the same in return.  Also I have battled an eating disorder, therefore body image insecurities, my whole life. (being a gymnast and dancer since a young child is probably a contibuting factor)  So as you can imagine this revelation caused me and my marriage quite a bit of strife.  Actually personally I have been a mess.  Anxiety wise, I have been okay (no attacks) but my eating patterns and self esteem have taken a dive.  I have been (situationally) depressed which is not the norm for me.  If I can put a positive spin on this which I'm really trying to do... I can say that my husband is doing everything he can to fix this.  He is reading books, talking to our pastor, and we have our first marriage counseling appnt. today (will let y'all know how that goes) Also I know that this is his problem (has had it since he was a teenager) and nothing that I did or didn't do.  We have been talking, probably more than ever in our marriage, and that too is a good thing.  We will get through this and be a better couple, but we need to do a lot of work.  I also have a lot of work to do re: getting healthy again.  I am again so sorry to be away for so long.  I have missed you all, but needed to focus my energy on this situation.  Will be posting again soon! 
Love to all!!!!!!!!!!!
Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the absence of fear...it is being afraid, and doing it anyway!"

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/30/2006 1:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sory for al you have had to deal with and I want to say it is a heck of a lot to have to deal with
Glad you are working onit with hubby and counselling
That is imperative in this type of situation 'I too have no self esteem and have major issues with body just as you so I do realte 'My hubby knows this and does not go on those sites I would freak as you did and prolly be where you were
I dont know how I would have reacted at first though prolly very very hard on him and full blown anger makes you do and say some things that you dont want to say ya know
I am happy that you posted to let us know how you are doing it is good to know that things are being worked on hun I am really happy for you there'
Know we are always here for you okay
Post when you have the time
your family and marriage comes first
You take care and stay strong
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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 10/30/2006 2:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm glad you and hubby are working things out, with a counseller {sp} and I hope things go well for both of you. I'm sure some wouldn't have a hard time dealing with this, but I know I would flip. Hugs and prayers to you and hubby.
Judy smurf
What dosen't kill me, will only make me stronger.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/30/2006 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Scaredy, I highly recommend the book "Every Mans Battle" by Steve Auterburn for your husband. Also, I go to a community church and I attend a Wednesday night group called "Celebrate Recovery." I attend the depression/anxiety group and could cross over into the "co-dependents" group. They also have a group for "men struggling with sex & lust" as well as a group for "women who are with men struggling with sex & lust." We never see who goes to what group so it's anonymous and some churches hold the groups on separate nights. It will not be easy to overcome this but you can and you can have a stronger marriage as a result. I know that must have hurt you. I wish you the very best.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 10/30/2006 5:28 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Scardy Cat,

I'm so happy you and your hubby are able to work on this together. This is true love. It shows the stringth you both have and God is on your side. Blessing for your family and I will keep you in my prayers.

I have an illness, My illness don't have me.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 10/30/2006 9:18 PM (GMT -6)   
This very same thing happened to my best friend and her husband..but kinda worse really because he had given his visa card number to various 'icky' websites..they lost a lot of money through this plus the telephone account was huge!
Hoiwever, after a lot of soul searching and forgiveness on my friends part - they did work things out and now have been married for 18years..
and have three beautiful children.
Hope everything works out for the best for you both.


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 10/30/2006 10:31 PM (GMT -6)   
That is great that you are both taking the steps to sort things out. relationships are very hard work, and it's good that you understand that it's not your fault. all too often we tend to blame ourselves for things beyond our control. Your relationship will definitely be stronger because you are working things out. I wish you and your husband the best of luck and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 10/31/2006 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome back ((hugs))! Sounds like you and hubby are taking all the right steps in repairing the problems. Its so devestating to find something like that out. I would have reacted the same way. I too have a serious problem with my self image. I think mine stems from the fact that I used to be so thin and cute and 4 kids later....well...im not so much anymore lets just say. LOL I remember one time shortly after my 3rd child i was feeling paticularly horrible about my self and my body. I was getting ready to go out for a girls night with a couple of my best friends and I couldnt find anything to wear. My soon to be husband was tryin to make me feel better by saying I looked great that i wasnt chubby etc. All it did was make me mad and I was pretty ugly to him about it. ( I just wanted to throw my fit and be left alone) Well he got upset with me and decided to check out one of my friends friends who was GORGEOUS and perfect body. In front of my face and very very obvious about it. I was so hurt because he did this during such a weak time in my life and the fact that he never really checks out other women. It floored me and it actually damaged us for awhile. It seemed petty to a lot of people but to me it was HUGE. Soo..i KNOW its not the same as you what you are going through, but I just wanted you to know you have the right to feel the way you do and to be hurt and to feel betrayed. On the brighter side, so happy for you that he is talking to your pastor and you are going to see a counselor...things will work out just fine! and you will be stronger in the end. Keep us posted!
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.--

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 10/31/2006 10:53 AM (GMT -6)   
hey scaredy cat, I am scaredy cat too, I just got here about a week ago and glad to have found this place.

how are you
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