Maybe a little sappy

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/12/2006 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Im really looking for some good relationship advice. Currently, im involved with in a 2year relationship with a girl that i love very much, but i hate our relationship. We live together and the problem i am having is that she is a very emotionally and physically 'clingy' person and im feeling completely smothererd, so much so that im feeling paralyzed and suffering from bad panic attacks. 
Im never was ready for a relationship like this, circumstances just kind of happened and i woke up one day indept financhially to her. I guees my question is how does one establish individuality in a relationship where the girl doesn't feel comfortable unless she's constantly by your side? 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 934
   Posted 11/12/2006 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Establish perhaps that you need time to yourself... alone... and try to find interests and hobbies that are separate from hers. Try to get out of the house or try to get her out of the house; one of the two, cuz you're suffocating each other it sounds like, and that's not good for anxiety.

I can't handle being smothered and will get panic attacks if I am, and do.

I don't really know what else to tell ya.

"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 11/12/2006 10:40 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Welcome to the site. I'm sure you'll get loads of advise here. I agree with Twiggygal. I think you need to have more communitcation about how you feel, she needs to know she is smothering you and causing you anxiety, otherwise she can't change what she dosen't know. I think you both need to have time to yourselves, before you become too co-dependant with each other. I wish you luck and it's nice to meet you.

Judy smurf

What dosen't kill me, will only make me stronger.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/13/2006 12:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi. It's great that you are in touch with this. My advice...sit her down, hold her hand, tell her everything that you LOVE and LIKE about her and then tell her that you would feel better if the two of you had a more interdependent relationship. Explain to her that you believe the relationship will be stronger as a result. Tell her about your anxiety. I've dated some "committment phobes" whom I believe the emotional intimacy was like a claustraphobic standing in an elevator full of people, they never explained it that way -- they blamed me. You can't have it both ways but you CAN find common ground. With women it is often HOW YOU SAY IT, rather than what you say, so be very loving. If you approached me like this, I would want to give you the moon! Good luck.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/13/2006 3:22 AM (GMT -6)   
In any relationship the one thing that I value most is 'my time' probably sounds kinda selfish but I just love it! (I love spending time with him too, but I am no clinging vine that's for sure lol)
It took my husband a while to realise that I needed that time apart..and that I was so much easier to live with when I had been out and about on my own for a while - even just an hour to browse the shops etc..
A point to mention to your partner is that when you have been out doing different things you have so much more to talk about at the end of the day :)
How about organising activities with your male friends..and just do it..explaining that it's a boys day out etc...and suggest she rings her girlfriends and they do the same.

Hope you can work things out.


Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/13/2006 4:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I just want to add that you will and have found great support n advice already
I totally agree you need down time n me time and a "guys night out " sounds like a good one to me
Yes it is not what you say it is how you say it IMO
Welcome aboard and glad you found us
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