Very back and forth...anyone else?

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 11/19/2006 10:57 AM (GMT -6)   
My panic and my ability to deal with it seems to go very back and forth.  Sometimes I'm rational about it, can see it for what it is and relax through and work on facing my these times I do pretty well.  Then there are the times that the panic is so so intense it seems to own me, it sweeps through over and over and over.  I can't think rationally, I can't relax or talk it away and I'm pretty well frozen in my chair.  My negative thoughts consume me, things like, what will happen to me, how am I going to get through this day, what if I never get better, what if I get worse...etc. 
I know that this cannot hurt me, but the fear of feeling like this forever is so strong.  Funny thing is, I've been through all this before...have been dealing with P/A and agoraphobia for 17 years.  I have years of proof that none of my fears will come true...they haven't in 17 years they won't now.  I guess I start to think that this time is different because the panic is soooo intense sometimes.  Why is is that I can't get my body to believe any of this and calm down?  I'm also terrified to be home alone, which only started a week ago, but creates days of living hell for me. 
Anyone else have these problems, or any advice.  Facing three days alone again and just don't know how I will manage it.
Thank you to everyone here, this site and all of you are a small miracle in my life when I have no where else to turn.  It is comforting to know that I am not alone in all of this.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 11/19/2006 1:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jacquie and Welcome to HW. I can totally relate to what you are saying. Some days I'm wonder woman other days I'm the little engine that can't. But I know I have to just keep going. I have been struggling since 2003 with my relaspe. I also have the fear of being alone. I have had A/P along with OCD since I was 10 or 11. I have been many years WITHOUT it what so ever. And this is the longest I have had to suffer through it. The more you do something, the easier it is I have found with me. Also this time around, I have learned that with being home bound, staying home or in the house without getting out is a NO NO. I have to leave everyday. Even if it's just for an hour. Because staying home 2 days in a row, could very easily turn into 2 months for me. And like you I can get through it some days and others it just seeems so strong.
If you ever want to talk I'm on messenger, aim and yahoo. I just keep the faith and try never giving in or up. I too have been trying to find ways to relax my body. It becomes so normal that I really don't feel how tense I really am. But on good days, I do notice that the tension is not there as bad. I Hope you stay around and join us here.

We all here know how it is. You will find lots of support here.

I reject your reality and subsitute my own

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 11/19/2006 2:36 PM (GMT -6)   

when severe enough, the panic does stop most sensible thought and people will sometimes hide under a table or refuse to leave a solidly constructed building, or sometimes will freeze up and be unable to move, these things must all be accepted as typical and not feared or worried about, as no harm ever happens from them

a big dose of valium type meds as needed would help a lot and let you go places and do things and get back some self confidence

recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/20/2006 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   
You are not alone in this I promise you that
Are you on any meds now at all
I take fast acting anxiety meds and for me it helps tremendously
I do not take on regular basis but when needed
Do talk to your doc honestly and openly about ALL that you are going thru
It is the only way of being DX properly and correctly IMO
Keep posting and remember
We are here for you always
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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/20/2006 8:41 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi there, I know exactly how you feel.I have good days and bad days,good weeks and bad weeks and I have been great for a few years straight. When I'm having a good day/week/month whatever!..I feel on top of the world and i think 'thats its...its all over, I'm normal again!!'..but then 'wham' day its back and plunges me back to square one! and I think that I'm just going to feel bad forever now. But because I have good periods I keep telling myself that it will pass because it has done before. CBT has helped me a lot aswell as meds!....Take Care yeah

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 11/20/2006 8:56 AM (GMT -6)   
hi jaquie, welcome, i also know exactly how you feel, and we all have good and bad days, but i dont understand why we have so much trouble even after years of dealing, its hard sometimes. I wish i could tell you why but i dunno. There are things to do to to try to keep the good days going, but they dont work 24/7 either. I hope you keep coming here, there are lots of people that feel as you do, and we keep our heads up ;) best of luck and hugs
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 152
   Posted 11/20/2006 10:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh yes hon I deal with it alot. Take things one day at a time and one breath at a time.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/20/2006 1:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Actually think you are doing really well jaquie :)
The upside of all this is that you 'will' get through have done it before and that shows what a strong and brave person you really are! Things are a little bit foggy just now, but that's ok. The fact that u are having 'up' days and 'down' is a good sign of recovery...when you next catch yourself having a good day remember to give yourself some praise and be proud that you are working towards being well again :)
Keep up the good work.

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/20/2006 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Jacquie,

Although, I’m a new comer to this site, my heart goes out to you. I too have been dealing with P/A and agoraphobia more years than I’d care to admit. One particular bout I have was so sever it lasted three consecutive days. I sincerely thought that my life was coming to an end, ( in all honesty, I was willing to let that happen.) I wasn’t able to calm myself down no matter what I tried to do, depression set in so badly my family considered Baker Acting me so I could receive some kind of treatment. The thought of being placed in a hospital with medication at the time was an overwhelming relief. Somehow through the depression, obsessive/scary thoughts, hiding under the covers, reading my panic/anxiety books, I did manage to bring my self out of what I refer to as the “dark side.”

I realize I must be vigilante when it comes to leaving the house but as you mentioned some days you know you can conquer the world but then there are the days when you don’t want to leave your bed. I am finally at a stage in my life I know in order to manage the panic/anxiety I will need to work very hard no matter what that nasty little voice in side my head tells me.

You too shall persevere because whether you believe it or not you have managed the panic/anxiety up this point. You have forgotten you past accomplishments, by writing down all you have overcome, you will recapture your inner strength which will see you through this terrifying period in your life.

You can reach me on messenger anytime you need a shoulder to lean on.


Leilani :-)
"It is never to late too late to be what you might have been". -George Eliot

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