Welcome to healing well. Please try and take your mind off of things. One way that helps me is to water color, use colored chalk or color. I am by no means an artist. It usually looks like a jumble of colors, but it settles me a bit. I also like those fill-it-in puzzles. They are kinda mindless. I cross stitch too. Find something that will keep your mind off your fears. I promise it helps. I swear by it. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me sane! Find anything. Whatever you enjoy.
Good luck, you're not crazy. I've been there and I'm sure others can say the same thing. Hang in there. It has to get better. Don't let it consume you.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006