2 years ago I had a recurring bout of depression and anxiety. But it was so much worse than the first time I didn't recognize it and literally thought for about
3 days I was going crazy and would need to be hospitalized. I, too, had the fears about
my boyfriend walking out and that I'd be alone forever.
Then it got to the point where I was so bad off I couldn't eat, sleep or have any interaction with my job....I literally rocked and paced all over my apartment which was very unsettling to all involved. So my boyfriend finally found me a psychiatrist that had an opening and could see me immediately. I went on lexapro and klonopin that afternoon and began seeing a psychiatrist regularly. I couldn't believe how quickly I started to get my perspective back.
My boyfriend was there for me every step of the way and I will never ever forget how supportive he was and how his love helped. However, had he not come through it wouldn't have mattered because the feeling of getting back my mojo was worth the risk, and I would have seen he wasn't worth it had he left me for judging my illness.
I still take lexapro and klonopin, just less of it. I have had the courage to leave my job which was making me unhappy and now I'm focusing ony life in a way I feel proud of. I did, however, learn the hard way that I'm not through conquering my anxiety as I recently went off the klonopin and 3 weeks later BAM a full blown anxiety attack woke me up and I thought I was going crazy again. I immediately took a full 2 mg of klonopin to settle me down and get the voices out of my head, and today I am feeling normal again.
I will tell you the only way to deal with what you are going through is to immediately see a trained psychiatrist specializing in anxiety disorders and spend the money if you don't have a good health insurance plan, there is no cost too much to get yourself back.
Please make an appointment as fast as you can. Just look one up on the internet if you do not know who is in your network. Don't overcomplicate it, it's important just to get in the office and a Dr. will almost always find a way to see you if they know how severe your anxiety is right now. They really do have to take your appointment out of fear that they will have something go wrong if they don't.
Please go see a dr!
I promise you that you will come out of this on the other end, it's just taking the first step that is the hardest.