One day I feel good, the next day I feel lost and confused. It can even vary from hour to hour. My husband is worried about me given my history these past 6 weeks. How can I reassure him that I'm ok, even when I'm down and that it's normal for me to feel this way. It doesn't mean I'll do something drastic. He wants me to talk to him and I'm trying. He makes it hard when I see the pain on his face. He's going back to work tomorrow and I know he's stressing beyond words. He's afraid to leave me alone. He has good reason. I haven't been very trustworthy for the last 6 weeks or so. I guess I can only prove it to him by staying safe, whether I'm depressed or anxious. We have a safety plan in place with phone numbers and alternative places for me to go, such as hang with my parents until he gets home.
He wants me to get out of the house more often and go walking or something. I'm usually in my pj's by 4pm. I'm most comfy and secure in my jammies. I promised him I'd try. I have an appointment with my couselor and I have to go up to school for some things, so tomorrow I'll be busy for awhile. I'm going to take a swimming class next semester and become more active. I'm trying to decide whether I'm ready to carry a full load (13 hrs), or drop one class and have 9 hrs instead. I'm kinda thinking that the best thing is to drop the one class. I don't want to overwhelm myself. Does anyone have any suggestions? I really need some help. I'm scared of failing and overdoing it while I'm still emotionally fragile.
I'm still coming to terms with my bipolar too and the adjustment of my meds for the third time in 6 weeks. In other words, the last 6 weeks have been hell for me and for my husband.
Thanks for any words of wisdom.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006