So sick of this.....

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 1/4/2007 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sick of feeling sick everyday. I swear it is always something. I have general anxiety all through the day with panic attacks maybe twice a day. I always feel sick. My chest always hurts and my stomach is always upset. I'm so annoyed with seeing my DR. who of course tells me its all related to anxiety and to relax. My life is basically falling apart around me, my husband is sick of hearing about it and so are my kids. I want to stay away from everyone because I am sick of myself. Since I'm not yet 30, female, have no family history, no high BP, and my cholstorol levels are great DR's (talking a bunch not just one or two) will not evaluate my chest pain. They all think I'm crazy and I'm starting to think they are right. I wake up in the morning (if I get to sleep) thinking about dying and go to sleep thinking about it. It is a constant in my day. I have done all kinds of programs, and self-help stuff. The only thing that even remotley helps is meditation. I tried getting back into religion (I was raised Catholic) thinking that this would help with the death anxiety issue. It didn't. I tried Ekancar (spelling), Buddism, anything that has any spiritual, relaxing base. Has anyone ever been so sick of themselves they'd like to run away from themselves if they could? I see so many (the majority) of people really living life. Feeling emotions freely, I envy the person who's distraught about their hair. I feel like I am outside life, watching it pass me by. I have no desires, ambitions, or feelings. I am biting everyones head off because I'm in such a bad state. The only medicine that has helped me (and I have tried them all) is Paxil. Of course my state has cut all insurance programs so the pharmacy's are charging more for there medicines to over compensate the people who can't pay or the ppl who do have insurance. I work everyday and so does my husband. We pay 400 a month for heath insurance and can not afford to pay another 200 a month for my Paxil. I have been off of it for 4 months and am right back where I was 2 years ago. Sorry for the huffy long post, but you all are the only ones that can understand my fustration.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 1/4/2007 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry that you are going through this terrible anxiety! I can totally relate! I feel sick almost everyday as well! If it is not palpitations, then its my stomach or a headahce..always something. I am also so irritable and I know that I must be a pain to be around! I find myself complaining alot and I just hate myself sometimes for feeling so crappy. I have lost alot of my motivation as well. I am 24 and trying to decide what I want to do with my life, but it is so hard! I hate making decisions and I feel like I have lost my drive. I used to want to be a vet so bad when i was younger, but as my anxiety got worse, I lost that drive more and more. I am not on any meds now and I am trying to deal with this as best I can. I am making some progress, but it is slow. Anyways, I know how you feel and I know that it will get better!!!
Try to pick one thing that you like to do and focus on that. It could be walking, knitting, writing, anything really. I started writing and I love it! I also find that reading helps take my mind of of my body. Learning a new skill can also give you a sense of focus and accomplishment once you master it.
Therapy would also be great if you can afford it. I am seeing a therapist and it really helps to tell her all of my problems instead of always making my fiance crazy with my issues!
I wish you the best and hope that you can soon find some peace.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 1/6/2007 11:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry it took so long but thanks so much for the reply!! I know your right, it will get better. I just need to take it one day at a time.

"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out." Thomas B. Macaulay

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 1/8/2007 9:44 AM (GMT -6)   

I am sorry you are having a rough go. I do agree with jrebecc about therapy if you can. Also perhaps you could try and focus on good things that you do/ writing down atleast one thing that you accomplished or are grateful for each day. Then on the harder days you can look back at that and see how far you have come.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 1/8/2007 11:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry things are so hard for you right now...i would suggest as far as the insurance goes maybe your dr could give you samples of the paxil just to help you..i know my dr has done that in the past when i could not afford the meds.. i am off paxil now but i do take my xanax which is a relatively cheap medication and it works for the most part. i still have hard times like everyone else and different obsessions about something being wrong with me but i don't feel depressed...anyway i hope this helps somewhat...hugs GOOD LUCK
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