family problems

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/11/2007 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
 hi im brand new to this site,i'm looking for advise, i'm married for the second time and have been for the last 9 years i have a 26 year old daughter and she was 19 when i married my husband, my husband also has two children from a previse marriage they were 3 and 7 when i married him they are now 11 and 15. daughter i'll call her sam did not want me to marry this man first because he had small children and second because she felt he was controlling. My husband i'll call him Tony from the very begining has wanted sam to treat him like a father ,sam has a father but has never had much contact with him,sam felt she was not a child and didn't want him to be a father figure, his children live with us, well over the past nine years tony has said rude things and made sam feel bad. sam married two years ago and just had a baby a month ago ,tony says he doesnt feel like a part of the family, which we have always made him feel. but this is the most recent problem,my son in law hates tony ,he told him that he doesnt want tony around the baby or at his house,tony is vey upset and it makes it very difficult for me, tony is a good man with a big heart and also a big mouth.i think he has osd and is a little inscure ,he is 41 ,i am 48 , basiclly i think my son in law should have kept quite to keep the peace now what do i do, my daughter has to stand by her husband, i suffer from panic attacks and this is not doing me any good.i can give more details on tony and the problems were having if there is anyone out thre that can give me some advise..  i also have a mother with alzhiemers and am having avery hard time dealing with that ,please help

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/11/2007 3:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Alot going on here within your family dynamics
I have remarried but my daughter was 9.......... I believe ,and she CHOSE to call my hubby dad even though her bio dad was still alive and in contact occasionally this was the first man she has let near me lol
I think your anxiety has got to be brought up to all involved as well as looking after your mom
I just lost mine I was her caregiver and now my dad had alzheimers as well so I look after him
Anyways you need a break here they need to all get a grip and be adult about this
If your hubby is saying rude things about your daughter you do need to take a stand with that I know I have made it quite clear to my hubby as the step parent he is not the disiplinarian here I am and I will deal with Cait up to the point when I do get so panicky and frustrated I ask him to step in
This has worked well in many occasions but sometimes has faults as well
There is NO easy solution to this
Sounds like a wee bit of jealousy going on between hubby / dughter which is normal IMO ......I despised my step dad thought he was taking Mom away but now I love him so much and he IS DAD.......
I think I might be rambling here a bit trying to get out all I want to say I am not trying to be judgemental nor harsh just honest okay
Tony has to be able to understand that your daughters hubby has been told things from her obviously hence the reason he might not care for him too much am not saying this is fact asking??
Daughter has to forgive if possible and get on with life and her family showing her new babe love not hate in the world as there is way too much of that IMO so does son in law
Holding your grandchild basically for past/present history is emotional abuse as I see it but thats me ......... nono
Adult issues need to be resolved within the adults first and show those kids that it is and can be done
There really is no need for psuedo names as we all are here to support and care for one another and it comes down to openess and total ability to just lay it all out on the line like I said hun you nor anyone will be judged we will only try to help if we can / up to you though okay
We have a fantastic and incredible group of people on this forum and others that no doubt can and do relate to your situation
I also can support you on Alzheimers site if you need it ......
PLEASE dont think for one second I am rough and harsh I am not that way I do empathize with you and I understand totally what you have said in your post
Stress from caregiving is hard enough w/o added stressors in your lives
Please know we are here for you and we will help you if possible
Just having support is a God send IMHO..........
You need to talk my info is at side under name okay
My name is
God Bless and please breathe deeply and try to relax ...........Post and let us know how you are making out

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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/11/2007 1:27:06 PM (GMT-7)

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