*Gentle loving hugs for Krissie*
I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer with mets to the lymph nodes at the end of 2005. All of 2006 was chemo, bilateral mastectomies, more time in hospital due to infection, radiation, and now a wound care specialist to heal the radiation burns. BUT...as far as we know I am in remission for now.
My boyfriend's father passed at the end of October from lung cancer mets to his brain. He wanted to badly to die at home but we couldn't accomodate him....he was delusional part of the time and too big of a man for any of us to control if he was delusional at home. I know the whole family is still feeling guilty that he passed in the hospital, but I will never forget the last time I spoke with him. This man resented me for taking his son away from him. Now mind you....this son was 50 at the time. Near the end I was at the hospital with him almost every day, depending on my own strength, and I remember telling him it was ok to go. That the family would be fine. I have rather eclectic beliefs, one of them being I believe when we pass our spirit lives on, and welcomes those who follow behind us. The day before he passed, he was lucid, and I was alone with him.....and he was talking to his mother and sister (both passed years ago). He was asking what it's like, will it be ok......
Then he looked at me and I told him yes, you can go. You are done here and did such a wonderful job. Your body is tired, let it go. He asked about his son....and I said I would always be there. Then he told me he was sorry for resenting me and we made our peace.
He passed quietly the next day, while the oldest son was sitting with him. He asked his son to forgive him, and when the son said I forgive you Dad, he passed.
I have two sons, ages 11 and 25. I remember the night I told my youngest son that I had cancer. He lives in Alaska with his father, which made the news even harder. I was on the phone with him and his father, and I told him what was going on, explained chemo to him, which I had before the surgery. I promised him I would answer any questions he had as openly and honestly as I knew how. He asked a few questions and then I told him there was only one thing he could do to help for now....believe in me and trust me to make the right decisions. This past year, many times, he has asked how I am doing, what part of treatment am I in now, and what decisions am I making. I answer openly and honestly.
I am currently undergoing tests to see if I have mets recurrence or something else. I plan to keep fighting as I am not finished with what I need to do this time around.
Think about what your mom would say to this post hon. I believe she would want you to regain your own strength for now. You can call her and support her, surprise her with a care package of some of her favorite things....
I know it looks bad for your mom right now, but I also know the researchers are coming up with new things every day, and I know of many women on another forum who have cancer mets and are living very well, for many years.
Ask her what she wants you to do. Talk to her about how you feel. That will help her so much more than you being there physically with her when that would mean endangering yourself.
You can email me any time if you would like - just click the email icon under my username on this post. I wish you the best hon, and I'll do what I can to help you.
Love and hugs,
Though we live in a world where anger and hatefulness seem to be the norm, we CAN make a difference, one person at a time.
Full time Chronic Pain and Co-Moderator of the Chronic Pain Forum :)
Never lose faith in the kindness and love of others, you never know when you will receive lemons too :)