I haven't really been on the site except to try to give some hopeful and encouraging words to others, but I am having a really hard time. I have so much on my plate and I thought I bought the biggest plate I could find to carry it all, but it is not big enough.
My healing from my colostomy is not healing as it should, so I am freakin out about that. My ex, not my girls dad is staying here b/c he has no where else to go and does not get enough money for a diability I have yet to see and it is an excuse every day about him trying to get a job. I finally took a stand and kicked him onto the couch instead of me. One for me, huh?
I tried to help justagirl11 and gave her every resource I could and even gave her my number. I tried so hard to help her, because her story reminded me of myself when I was 16, but now she just calls at any time of night and I think it is an emergency and it is not. She logs on now and then to get advice, but it is all the same things I tell her. I even went so far as to get in touch with a helpline in her state and talked to them myself and gave her their # and email address...she won't call. I told her she could say her name is bozo and they wouldn't care, but still, nothing.
Just found out that my mom who has been fighting a horrible fight with lung ca that spread to her brain ...all the chemo...all the radiation and the PET scan just showed more tumors in her brain and one behind her ribs. She really wants to just let it all take its course. I know at 37 I am a big girl, but she is only 58 and I can't or don't want her to stop trying. The treatments are killing her. I feel so selfish.
I have been taking the max dosage of my anxiety meds and I still am not sleeping.
Thanks for listening, I needed to let some things out.
LUV YA ALL,
CD, OCD, PTSD, Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and post op colostomy.
my meds are lexapro...the doc put me on it again, ativan, klonopin, fentanyl and vicodin ( she increased it to the 7.5's, thank God) and lunesta and asacol, synthroid, ultram and phenergan......I think I am a walking pharmacy...:)